Sunday, May 24, 2009


It feels like I'm mourning but not yet.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Maybe it's because I need marzipan.

Maybe it's because being a closeted straight boy has finally taken it's toll on me, and I need to come out and face the fact that I am not fabulously gay.

No... I don't know if I'm ready to face that horrible beast right now. I can't -- I just can't. It may just destroy me... or completely simply my life...


  1. Could it be, that like some of us, you tend to float along back and forth along the Kinsey scale?

    As a teenager--although I wasn't aware of the scale--I was usually a four or five. But I wouldn't have gotten married in my mid-twenties if I hadn't dropped down to a two after meeting and dating my prospective bride.

    Maybe it's my second childhood (it's never too late to have a happy childhood as we baby boomers like to say) but as my children have grown to adulthood, I've been pretty stable as a 4.5. But I'm not prepared to say that's how it always will be.

    So mabe it's not a matter of closets at all but a house with many mansions. East-facing rooms give you the glory of sunrise and west-facing rooms give you the passion of sunset. North rooms are cooler on hot days. South rooms tend to be sunny and warm.

    Maybe you and your architect are just working through the plan of the perfect home to suit your varying needs and tastes.

  2. @Ned -- I feel like me rating is constantly sliding around.

  3. Hey Ezra, the world is filled with many kinds of beauty. Just because I like sandy beaches doens't mean I don't also love a cabin in the pines. Moab and New York City both work for me. Same with biking and swimming. Makes me wonder who came up with biathlons and triathlons? :)

  4. It's not that my attraction is floating back and forth. I've been quite consistent in being attracted exclusively to men.

    I'm referring to my lack of stereotypical gay traits.

  5. So you're 6 who appears to be a 1, which makes you a strong magnet not only for women who love manly men, but men with those desires as well. Ah, such a burden to by loved by so many... :D

  6. I wish. Unfortunately, I'm also lacking in stereotypical straight traits, too.

    I'm just bland... not significantly attractive to anyone.