Saturday, January 23, 2010

Five Hurdles

I recently read this post wherein GMB lists five tests for finding Mr. Right.

Now, I don't know if I would say I have 'tests,' per-se... they're perhaps more hurdles Mr. Right will have to get over or deal with... well, I guess 'hurdle' and 'test' could be synonymous... anyway, here are my five hurdles/tests:

the Official Date

This is probably the most difficult hurdle.

Frankly put, I'm mostly a hermit. I enjoy being by myself most of the time (being with those I love counts as 90.444% alone time... but there's still that percentage of time that I need just to be completely alone).

So actually meeting anyone new is a challenge. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm honestly not complaining. I'm really focusing on my dance academy right now. My real search for "Mr. Right" hasn't really even begun. I'm not in a huge rush.

I also tend to be completely clueless as to who may be interested in dating me, and since I'm presently in no hurry to get married, I tend to bypass asking any guy that I may be interested in dating... mostly because my head is primarily elsewhere.

Of course, I guess this hurdle wouldn't be too difficult... all he has to do is ask, and I'd probably say yes. Hell, I'd probably say yes to a girl asking me out on a date.

the Invisible Touch

(He would get bonus points for knowing this title's reference... without Google's help.)

He'll probably have to be rather blunt with any initial physical attraction. Like I said, I'm completely clueless when it comes to knowing whether or not someone is attracted to me. I'm also a complete gentlemen, so I'm not going to make a move unless I know it's welcome.

Of course, I'm not saying he'll have to pin me up against the wall and smooch me (heh, I've been reading a lot of Calvin & Hobbes lately, having just purchased the complete works).

Simply starting to cuddle during a movie at home would sufficiently give me a clue.

the Insanity

I'm a bit eccentric.

While some absolutely love my absent-minded-professor-ness (such as my students), some can't stand too much of me (such as my little brother... of course, I do tend to push his buttons on purpose).

the Family

Okay... maybe this one is the biggest hurdle... for both of us.

I still don't really know where most of my family stands with my decision to find me a hubby.

He'd have the fortitude and stamina to deal with my parents and my 10 siblings and their families until they're all won over.

the Deal Breakers

He'd have to want to raise children.

He'd have to want to wait until marriage to have sex... I find this idea extremely romantic, and I've decided it's a deal breaker.

He'll have to be extremely hot if he wants a dog (cats or other pets would be easy to persuade me into having... but dogs... well... we're kind of feuding, and have been since I was 5);

the Bonus Round

Although I honestly wouldn't mind if not:
  • He would enjoy [at least watching] ballroom dancing;
  • He would enjoy Thai food;
  • He would enjoy going to operas, ballets, and other performing arts events;
  • He wouldn't be significantly taller than I (I'm pretty dern short...);
  • He would secretly have awesome mutant powers;
  • He would enjoy British humour;
  • He would enjoy watching movies at home, togetherly alone;
  • He is as picky about picture and sound quality as I;
  • He would be able to withstand my absolute adorable fabulousness;
  • He's a PC (I'm sorry, but Macs are so... trendy... not a fan of trendy... or lack of options... Macs are so limiting...); and
  • If not the penultimate, he'd be okay with me constantly teasing him that he wasn't a PC (and he'd be able to dish it back).
Again, this section is not required, and I can frankly live without quite happily.


  1. He'd have to want to wait until marriage to have sex...

    I too am a hopeless romantic in that regard. To give of yourself totally and completely is something you can only do once.

    I know you're not actively seeking - but I do sincerely hope for you the best in finding your prince charming. And I want to be on the mailing list for your nuptial announcement - when it comes.

  2. Dance is so foreign to me. One of my roommates was on Dancer's Company and I went to a performance just to support him. I guess it was kind of cool.

    I don't know how to appreciate dance. I mean, it looks so hedonistic--like they're all possessed by music demons. It looks unnaturally natural. Hahaha. I totally hope you don't get offended by that!

    And dogs... I don't like dogs in general, but every once in a while I'll meet a dog who I fall in love with. Dogs are so loyal and happy. And they sincerely love their owner. Other pets love their owners, too, but show it differently.

  3. Hm, that whole sex before marriage thing seems like it eliminates 99.87% of all gay men. But I think (hope) as gay culture evolves/shifts, that standard will become more embraced. ...maybe that's idealistic, but I hope so.

    Those hurdles aren't so bad, actually, aside from that sex thing which eliminates most gay men. I mean, even I'd pass most of those. I think the only criteria I would fail are in the bonus section:
    He would secretly have awesome mutant powers; (unless folding and twisting my tongue on its own counts)
    He is as picky about picture and sound quality as I; (I prefer quality, but not so picky)
    He would be able to withstand my absolute adorable fabulousness. (I'll just refrain from commenting on that, oh presumptuous one)

    Oh, and then there's the whole insanity thing. I mean, you're pretty darn nuts, so I don't know about that one. But hey, we can still be friends.

    To be honest, I've actually thought you and Boskers should meet up if you haven't already. Just sayin'...

  4. I'm not trendy, I promise... I just love my mac... and iphone... actually it's probably more of a love/hate relationship with the iphone. But it is a useful status symbol in my indu... oh wait, nevermind -.-

  5. I agree that abstinence before marriage probably eliminates most gay men; but, I don't think it's quite as dire as you may think. Over on the Gay Christian Network site I see others with similar values. I think it's really more a matter of where you look. Andrew is not going to find his prince charming in gay bars or clubs.

    Plus, the reality is, these days being a virgin on your wedding night eliminates most straight guys too. He may have to settle for a revirgin.

  6. I think most gay men can handle the no sex before marriage thing...

    There's a difference between "don't" and "can't." This isn't currently a norm in gay culture, but that's partly because not enough of us are intentionally putting that out there to begin to transform the culture.

    If anyone can persuade Mr. Right to wait, it'll be Chedner.

    You're way worth the wait!!

  7. Just to clarify, I definitely support the no sex before marriage (or at least a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship) thing. And I believe there are guys out there who can/will do it. I do believe they are very few, especially since there are plenty of others out there willing to put out, but I think they're worth finding, and part of my statement is an emotional reaction to my own experience and observation. :-)

  8. I think it's not just idealistic but utterly unrealistic to expect a partner to wait until you get married or whatever to have sex. It's selfish and just plain ridiculous, and is, only an outgrowth of religious ideas of "morality" that have no evidence in reality.

    As we see in Europe, Canada, etc., it is marriage that becomes less common and not sex before marriage the more a culture accepts its sexuality and has healthy and realistic ideas about sex and relationships.

    It's not at all healthy to be marrying someone you've never had sexual intimacy with and found out whether you're actually compatible. While not the most important part of a relationship, sex IS very important, and if you're not compatible with someone it can and will doom the relationship. I think it's also important to live with someone before getting married/committed.

    Personally I'm glad that the gay community has shed the "morality" of the heterosexual world that requires sexual "purity" to be a virtue, and has mostly rejected the idea that sex and love are the same thing. While there are a lot of unhealthy ideas and practises in the gay community about sex, the polar opposite to rampant unprotected promiscuity (which is not what most gay men practise) - suppression of sexuality and promotion of unfounded and ultimately purely religious posturing - is no better.

    I dare say the best answer is somewhere in the middle, acceptance and even celebration of sexuality, while making healthy, smart decisions about with whom and how to have sex. But to have it.

    Of course, it's your decision, but it's a totally unrealistic expectation, and is a cultural more that will and is becoming more and more outdated. Sex is not love, and it is not healthy to conflate them. Physical intimacy in a loving relationship is very powerful, and different from sex just for sex's sake, but they are still two very different things, sex and love.

    Virginity is a sexist (though less so in the gay community) concept meant to control women and make their ability to procreate more important than any other part of them, it is actually dehumanising to reduce a person down to whether or not they've had and do have sex and make that a basis on whether they're worthy to be in a relationship with you. Our culture's obsession with sex is unhealthy, and the idea that our culture should become MORE repressed and idealise the harmful concept of virginity even more is patently ludicrous.
    Monogamy is all well and good, but its idealisation and overemphasis isn't. Extreme monogamy (only having one sexual partner, ever) is even less healthy.

    What transformation our culture needs is not to copy the broken and harmful traditions of straight culture, but to embrace who we are as sexual animals who just happen to be self-aware, and know how to make healthy, reality/science-based decisions, and form lasting-meaningful, realistic relationships.

  9. abe: you're definitely on my list

    boskers: no offense at all... I actually quite liked what you said, "possessed by music demons" -- I explain it to my students a little differently... but your explanation kind of works...

    Furthermore, I would say that my passion for teaching far outshines my passion for dance. So, if you ever wanted to maybe try out dancing, get a feel of what it's all about... I know a fantastic teacher...

    O-Mo: You are so jaded ;).

    El-Genio: I guess I am being rather presumptuous inferring that those who like Macs only do so because Macs are trendy.

    JGW: Thanks [blush].

    Craig: I responded via post.

  10. Very interesting post.

    I must say that I'm working on a dealbreakers list right now. I won't get to it for a bit... I must agree on the dog.

    (BTW... I managed to jump most of the hurdles including several of the dealbreakers... which may or may not include the mutant powers...). :P

  11. hahahaha boskers. you make me giggle like a japanese schoolgurl. Although, I've always thought that dance is an extension of the musical art form.

    Perhaps you should meet Bosko McCostco, only because it would be horribly romantic if he ran away to salt lake... in milk truck. (Yes. I have been watching "A Little Princess" while locking myself in my bedroom.)

    Plus he is always like "oh i don't wanna learn how to dance, but take the reins Teacher McChedner & sweep me off my feet!"

    Take it from me. He says it ALL the time.


    TOTALLY agree about people buying macs because they are trendy. I don't think the macs on campus are being used to their full potential. There are reasons to use macs, they run PS much nicer/Its better drawing on macs for me.


    Bosko if you happen to read this. i was just kidding about you swooning over this here chedner-fellow. Also, you went to your roommates performance so you should go cheer for me at the ballroom comp! I'd seriously die if you had a sign for me. I've always loved it when people made trashy signs. Just make sure to bedazzle my name so the light shines in my competitions eyes.

    PS I want to go to the kung fu school. to learn kung fu.

    Did you get any info on it? because I want to do Bagua & their whole schedule for classes is pretty vague. I want to start before feb, because I am a sucker for free stuff.

    Like I was at Sams club and they were giving out boxed samples, SO I ran up and grabbed one! and they were tampons. CHA-CHANG just what I needed...

  12. GMB: There's another post of yours I was thinking about copying... I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with my originality as of late...

    PG: Scrud, I didn't see the coupon!

    Hopefully one doesn't have to start classes before February 1st... my friend is having her baby blessed this Saturday, so I wouldn't be able to make it, myself.

    I'll give them a call tomorrow or Friday to see.

    Oh, and next time you see a sell on tampons, let me know... those things have been costing me a small fortune.