This seems to be the pattern for me. I do well for a few months, I take the time to ground myself whenever something triggers depressive or anxious thoughts, and then after a while it becomes more difficult to spend that energy to ground myself. I start to wear down until I just start to shut down.
As I look back, this has been the pattern for most, if not all, of my life.
Thank God for my boyfriend, [GMB]. He's the best thing in my life right now, and just the thought of his addictive smile helps push me to find the energy to make it through another day.