Sunday, October 19, 2008

Will I Ever Go Back?

As I sat in Sacrament meeting today, I wondered: "Will I ever start attending Church again?" This led me to further pondering: "Do I truly believe the LDS Church will one day receive the revelation that homosexual couples are equal to heterosexual couples, mirroring the revelation that black people are equal to white people?"

And I do.

And then the words of one I hold in great respect resonated within me: We need to live how we believe it should be (I'm paraphrasing here).

I need to have faith in my beliefs. I need to back my faith up with actions. I need to attend Church, despite current persecution, and say, "I am here; my choices have not quenched my faith, my belief, my testimony... rather, my choices have strengthened such. I am here to worship; I am here to learn... I am hear in the hopes that my covenants with God can be made through the Holy Priesthood."

In sum, I have been feeling a strong spiritual push to attend church... and not just any church, but the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- even despite my strong feelings of disappointment and anger that have bubbled up these past weeks because of the Church's behavior concerning Proposition 8.

Rather specifically, I feel strongly that my future children need to be brought up within the walls of the LDS Church. To be honest, frank, and blunt, this notion terrifies me seemingly to no end, but it's a notion that weighs powerfully on my entire soul... perhaps, even, more powerfully than I've ever felt before...


  1. Just as I post about needing to stop attending church, you post about needing to come back. The reasons you state for wanting to come back are the same reasons that keep me from leaving: my testimony and my children.

    What are we going to do?

  2. I wish I knew...

    But I will say this: never before have I felt the actual power of the baptismal covenants as I do now, reading your words and being touched by your mutual mourning.

    It is... and indescribable feeling.

  3. I admire you for admitting that. Just remember though before any new revaluation can be given we have to be faithful to what we already know. The Lord won't bless us with more unless we have proven worthy with what we have. You are right, we can't sit on the sidelines waiting for things to be the way we like them. God doesn't want fairweatherd followers. Thank you for your insights.