Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Second Coming [Out]

You should have seen my parents' faces when I told them I'm going on a mission.


Double Take.

Did you read that right?

Did I write that right?

... mission... yep, I believe I did.

I'm going on a mission. Of the LDS variety.


Yeah, me too. In fact, I doubt you could be more surprised than I am right now. Seriously, I'm sitting here laughing in shock. I did not see this coming.

My parents are less surprised. Damn parents, always on to me. But they're brimming with smiles. (They just put in their papers for a mission and are awaiting their call.)

It all feels like an episode of the Twilight Zone to me, though. What the hell is going on?

I said I've been taking things a day at a time, simply focusing on listening to the Spirit and going where I feel compelled to go. Right now, I'm being compelled to serve an LDS mission, so that's where I'm heading.

I even let it brew for a few days, trying to talk myself out of it. (Nobody put these thoughts into my head, p.s., it's all my crazy self's doing.) But, hélas, here I am. It's a done deal in my heart. Which was never the case for me, mission-wise.

I always had an excuse. My health (now solid). My agony (now vanquished). My hatred for the Church (now resolved).

I've run out of excuses.

Where does this leave me, you may wonder, re being gay? Truth is, I have no clue.

Again, I'm taking things a day at a time.

à chaque jour suffit sa peine

I've given all of tomorrow's worries up to the Lord. Wherever He would have me go, I'll go. I have my thoughts. I have my hopes. But I'm going where I feel the Lord takes me. One step at a time. He holds the reigns, and I'm focused on feeling His tugs whilst trudging through the mud of today (and, you know, today's mud is feeling less and less... well... muddy).

In all honesty, though, there are things about the Church that I really don't like. Nevertheless, all these things, the things I see as arbitrary/foolish/ludicrous/horrible/etc. nimbly roll of my back as I look at the bigger picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

And regarding this bigger picture, my testimony is strong. It has not only survived the desire to abandon it completely but has also come through more tempered and shiny than before. And I want to go out and share my reborn/renewed testimony with the world--or, at least, a little corner thereof.

Call me crazy (I know some of you will.) Truth is, I am.

Completely crazy.

But, you know....

It's working for me.


  1. Haha! Wow. Didn't see that one comin'.

  2. That is sudden, but I don't think it's hard to comprehend by the position you've described. I can see how it'd be the right choice for you. We are where gay and religion intersect after all.

    While this isn't my path, of course :-), I've always known you to be a good sincere guy and I wish you the best of luck. Do you know where you're going?

    Just, please, wherever it is try not to get more votes to make it harder on our homes if you can.

  3. J'ai dû regarder le calendrier pour voir si c'était le premier avril ! Continue à te confier au Seigneur ! :D

  4. I am speechless--that's so amazing, since the one time I met you you spoke about having your envelope signed and sealed to resign from the LDS church...

  5. Congratulations Andrew, and best of luck. Hope you get sent to a place where you can find lots of marzipan.

  6. That's awesome... now that you have said it, you better keep your word ;)

  7. I WILL call you crazy. Crazy.

  8. Wow, congratulations! And good luck! I'm sure you'll be letting us know when and where to you get your call.

  9. I admit, earlier I had my "Eh?" thoughts but now I say, "Follow your conscience." If this is where you feel you are being led, go forth. Again, evidence that God is still calling you is yielded forth.

    May you be blessed in your mission and in the future callings God has for you. Amen. :)



  10. Matt: Me, either. Not in the least bit, actually.

    Scot: I will do what I can.

    Kengo: Moi, j'ai dû m'assurer que je ne suis pas dans un coma bizarre qui me fait rêver en mormon.

    Ezra: Crazy, I know!

    Alan: Why do you think I'm even going on a mission!?! Marzipan.

    Evan: I'll do my best, but you never know... tomorrow I may end up joining the circus.

    JJ: Now who's stating the obvious?

    kyle: Thanks! And I will be letting you know where I'm heading. (Personally, I'm hoping for Antarctica. Keep your fingers crossed.)

    ABrooks: My first thoughts were precisely that, "Eh? Well... okay, I guess..."

  11. I don't know you. I just happened onto your blog one day, but I think you're a very inspiring person.

  12. I am completely...speechless. Wow! I am so impressed by how closely you follow the spirit. It was a private email from you that helped me toward a road of peace regarding my feelings on prop 8. I'm sure that you could do much good in this world of ours!

    (I wrote this yesterday and forgot to ever post it. He he, life is crazy around here...)

  13. Sarah & Anonymous: Thank you. I do hope my life is doing some good somewhere... to be honest, though, it sort of feels as though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off...

  14. to be honest, though, it sort of feels as though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off...

    ... That's better than just sitting there, like a head with its chicken cut off.

  15. You are crazy. CRAZY.

    But, you can do more for me and all of us Gay folk by staying in the Church and working from the inside out. Serve a mission. Be firm in what you feel is right. Don't forget the rest of us when you're out there.

    And I will not laugh at you or condemn you if you change your mind.

  16. Scott: Good point. But the chicken-sans-tête does drop at one point or the other...

    Formerly Known as Peter: I think it's safe to say I will not forget as I go and act according to the guidance I believe is from God.