Warning: This post does contain some sexual material... sort of...
There is another issue that could keep me from serving a mission. A health issue. A health issue that isn't an issue if I take care of it. And it's actually the taking care of it part that's an issue.
I'll start with the non-issue part: my sinuses. If they don't drain properly, I get infections. Nasty infections that have been known to make my doctors gasp. I'm learning, however, that if I notice a lack of drainage in time to take care of it, I can avoid infection.
Now onto the related issue: about three years ago, I was diagnosed with Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome -- also known as Chronic Prostatitis. Although not much is known about specifics, the theory I was told is that it's the same idea behind my sinus infections. If my prostate doesn't drain properly, infection amasses in the stagnant semen, and pain ensues.
Nasty pain. Pain intense enough to trigger vomiting.
The urologist said I could either live with the infections, taking strong antibiotics when the infections didn't resolve themselves -- like crazy strong antibiotics 'cause it's difficult for antibiotics to penetrate into the prostate -- or simply keep my prostate drained.
I ended up telling my parents what the urologist had told me, and my pa said there was no way I could keep my prostate drained and remain a Mormon in good standing. So, I tried the former option -- I was doing the latter to keep it under control before.
The infection was horrible. This was during the time I was absolutely ashamed of being gay -- so much so that I would wake up at the beginning of a dream that would have led to emptying.
My prostate wasn't draining at all.
I wouldn't be surprised if the accompanying pain was similar to the pain of getting shot.
Not exaggerating -- at all.
This was when I started to think, "You know what, I doubt God is such an asshole that He would rather have me throwing up in pain and screwing up my body with caustic amounts of antibiotics than take a few minutes to clean the plumbing every once in a while... I'm going to take care of myself."
Anyway, during my recent interview, my Bishop asked if I masturbated -- apparently one must be masturbation-free for six months before one can serve a mission now. I told him, "For medical reasons, yes."
Of course, with anything sexual, the conservative Mormon holds a zero-tolerance stance.
There are times when taking dangerous drugs can be appropriate.
There are times when killing someone can be appropriate.
There is never a time when non-missionary position, married, heterosexual sexual conduct can be appropriate.
Granted, he didn't say a specific, "Nope, sorry." He is uncertain on this as well. Although, I'm not sure he even believes me.
Me, I had actually forgotten this would be an issue. Frankly, I don't think it should be, not if they allow those who take any long term prescriptions to serve.
Maybe I should get a doctor to write down, "Masturbate" on a prescription sheet for my records.
... or maybe I should get smart and realize that I'm not wanted within the LDS Church...
In other news:
I'm choreographing my first team Paso Doble and Samba.
The Paso Doble is being choreographed to the song, "La Fête des Foux" from the French musical, Notre Dame de Paris.
The Samba is being choreographed to the song, "Wherever We Go" by Newsboys.
I think I would enjoy doing this for a living.
We'll see if I'm any good.