Saturday, October 25, 2008

Back of the Bus

It is innate human nature to find a lifelong partner with whom to found and raise a family. It is an instinct, a need, a desire (and even taught to be the purpose of life within the LDS Church). To remain a member in good standing (as a homosexual unable to marry heterosexually), one must quelch [sic] that which is a core characteristic in being human.

Such is difficult enough were it to stop there; however (and I'm speaking from personal experience), in the deficit of an unfulfilled, basic human need, there is no support but an atmosphere of shame, silence, fear, and abandonment.

Still, it goes even further in that the detrimental behavior in which many gays participate in order to heal the pain caused by both an unfulfilled need and an absent healthy atmosphere is not only being blamed on homosexuality, itself, but used to "prove" that homosexuals are unfit, ungodly humans and parents. (The latter being a population of gays who have either broken away from or have never participated in detrimental behavior.)

If I were to print out and take a yellow highlighter to the what is presented at and, highlighting phrases and actions taken by the Church – including statements made within the most recent pamphlet, God Loveth His Children – during my years seeking help from the Church, there would be some very yellow pages, to say the least.

Again, I don't say this to disparage the LDS Church or any of its members -- or to challenge any belief -- but to simply question, “Is this truly love? Is this truly compassion?”

I mean $8,000,000+ and who knows how many hours of time and other resources have been spent by members of the LDS Church to make sure their stance on marriage is legally validated... not one dime -- not a single penny -- was spent to validate my decision as a celibate gay Mormon as I did everything I could to uphold and respect the Church's definition of marriage. Not a single cent was spent to help me sustain a life I was barely able to live as I struggled -- on my own -- to find a purpose in life.

Well, there was some money spent to send me to see a counselor and what-not, but such was in the spirit of getting me to “deal with it.”

Indeed, the largest portion of time and attention given was not to validate my life or to help me find purpose in life but to say that I was “too sensitive and overreacting, that I should just suck it up and ‘have faith.’“

To put it bluntly, no support was given me within the Church; I was on my own, and I was dying -- literally. I could find, see, and feel no purpose in life.

So I left the counsels of the Church and sought refuge in one of the most basic human needs and rights: seeking out a lifelong partner with whom to raise a family... in such I have never felt healthier, more secure, more self-assure, and even closer to God.

And the LDS Church is trying to not just legally handicap but also socially disparage that which has been bringing me comfort, support, validation, and purpose in life (when they, themselves, could not provide such for me).

Is this truly love and compassion? Abandoning me and then trying to burn down the shelter (which shelter has created nothing but goodness and healing in my life) I have run to? To create an atmosphere where I was never good enough for them and then villanizing me for leaving?


Is it truly love and compassion to tell children their families are invalid, immoral, detrimental to not just their lives but society in general; that they should not talk about their families in school, should be silent about, even fear their families... just because their parents are gay?


Love and compassion would be raising $8,000,000+ and serving thousands of hours to create a healthy, feasible, and productive atmosphere for those who cannot meet those expectations of marriage – if marriage, indeed, should only be between a man and a woman.

Love and compassion would be raising another $8,000,000+ and serving thousands of hours to create healthy, feasible, and productive lives for the millions of adopted and foster children currently being raised by the careful, loving hands of homosexual parents – if children, indeed, should be raised by a male and a female.

In other words, where I am standing now, there is this strong message being thrown at me by the Church, “We care more about making sure our beliefs are validated by society than we care about any part of you.”

I have been cast aside; I have been trampled on; I have been dehumanized; I have been left behind to struggle for life all on my own.

Then a Good Samaritan came and lifted me up and put me upon a path where I could be healed and live... and as I walk on this path, I am being trampled on; I am being spit at; I am being mocked; I am being dehumanized; the sacredness of my path is being profaned by those who profess moral supremacy. My motives and my life are being allowed to be defined by them and not by me, not by my actual life, not by my actual motives.

And I can do nothing to protect myself from this... all I can do is pause, take a deep breath, and keep going – hoping that one day people won’t expect me to ride in the back of the bus.


  1. "... not one dime -- not a single penny -- was spent to validate my decision as a celibate gay Mormon as I did everything I could to uphold and respect the Church's definition of marriage. Not a single cent was spent to help me sustain a life I was barely able to live as I struggled -- on my own -- to find a purpose in life."

    Wow... I have never thought about that. It's so true.

    My branch president and I both agree that the Church has a ways to go before being able to have a good grasp on homosexuality. Maybe the funds and time could have been spent in that case. To me, it seems logical: find a way to get more people into the fold instead of pushing people out. Let's be honest... if I were a gay guy investigating the church, would I feel comfortable attending sacrament meeting on Sundays when all that is being discussed is Prop 8? Would I feel the Spirit that is necessary to gain a testimony? I highly doubt it.

    Great point, Andrew.

  2. I feel your pain bro. And I mean that sincerely. You have captured very well the impossible dilemma the Church now faces with respect to its gay members who want to remain faithful. "You can stay, but you have to smother the most fundamental human desire of all, the one that is going to lead the rest of us into the celestial kingdom. We don't know how you're going to get there, so you'll just have to be patient. And oh, by the way, if you can't do that, we're going to kick you out and try to make sure you stay there in the eternities."

    Hard to think of that as love, isn't it.