Friday, September 12, 2008


I'm feeling kind of antsy right now. I get like this whenever I've been in the same spot for a few months.

I'm trying to overcome this, to learn to be 'settled,' to try to not get bored with being in one place.

It's tough, but now that I'm learning that it's okay to worry about me, I think I can handle it.

You know what's really interesting: I've found that worrying about me has been enabling me to worry about others much more efficiently... if that makes sense.

In other news, and completely off subject (hehe, I'm a Cucumber just started to play... I love that song), I've recently had a few friends comment -- usually with rolling eyes -- at how 'Mormon' I still am; how I don't drink, how I don't go out clubbing... basically how I'm not experiencing the life restricted by Mormonism.

The thing is, though, that -- save for the not loving whom I love part -- the life I was living wasn't me following a prescription, it was how I wanted to live my life and how I still want to live my life (again, save for the whole not loving whom I love part).

Even if I were to abandon my belief in God or in an afterlife or in anything as such, I would still be who I am, living how I am... even if that means I don't fit in anywhere.

I don't know how common it is to truly not care about fitting in, but I really don't. I mean, you get people who are all, "I don't care about fitting in," but then they're almost always grouped with a bunch of others who "don't care about fitting in."

I've always chortled at such. The people, like I, who truly don't care about fitting in are... well... alone -- because we don't really fit in anywhere.

And, yet, as I think about it, it's more that I don't permanently fit in anywhere. That is to say, at any time, I could be found in almost any clique, genuinely getting along with everyone -- I just wouldn't make it into the group's 'little black book' (however, that's not to say I wouldn't be sincerely welcome again).

At least, people seem to genuinely enjoy my company most times -- they could just be putting on airs until the little spaz leaves... which is quite possible.

Anyway, I'm really just rambling... because I'm feeling a little antsy.

(Oooh, did you see how I tied everything together right there?)


  1. For a moment, I thought this was an entry about myself ;)

    People ALWAYS assume I don't drink or party much just because I am Mormon... and it does get a little frustrating. In the end though, I just don't see the point in the drinking and clubbing (especially the drinking part). I don't think those are things I will ever get involved with.

    I also don't have a set group of friends. I have my high school friends, my computer science friends, my church friends, and my work friends. I don't really hang out with any of them on a frequent basis, nor do I really have a favorite group of friends.

  2. I wouldn't be surprised if this personality is most commonly found within the geek race.

  3. Yeah, I feel ya on this one. Actually, I haven't felt you in a long time. Actually...have I ever felt you?

    Clarification: I identify with this post. At least to the extent I can without having determined I'm open to a same-sex partnership or having requested to be removed from the church's records. :-)

  4. Actually...have I ever felt you?

    You tried that one time... but I put an end to it forthwith...