My November Memory

It was yesterday and a half... and several years... probably a few days, too. To be specific, it was sometime in the past. I was younger.

My school’s annual “Secret Santa Shop” had just opened. There were some mini dinosaur erasers that I, for who knows why, had to have.

I asked my mom for some money. She told me to ask my dad.

So I decided to steal the money out of the coin tray of my brother's car.

There was enough to buy all of the erasers.

... which I did...

A little while after I got back from school that day, my brother threw my bedroom door open and started yelling, I don't remember exactly what.

I was busy counting my erasers.

Spiritual Reawakening

Shortly after my recurrent major depression hit again a few months ago, I decided that I didn't really believe in God and all those "no-see-ums" that once guided my life.

I figured I was on my own.

And you know what?

Nothing really changed. Things went on as normal.

Lately, though, I started to miss those things I once labeled as "spiritual." I started to pray, meditate, and what-not again.

After everything, I would say that I do believe in God and those "no-see-ums." And I believe God is there not to coerce, mandate, or dictate but to guide and supplement our lives -- whether we believe or not -- so that we will know what we can do to live the most meaningful lives.

Referring to Ned's question, "Tell us about your most memorable dreams. Who and what do they involve, what do you feel and what do you think they mean?" : I'm going to leave out, if you'll forgive me, the specifics of my most memorable dreams, the ones that left a strong impression on my mind, but they are a part of the reason why I do believe in things spiritual.

They left me feeling like someone or something is out there watching over me, concerned, and directing me.

As I look back on my life, it's difficult for me to believe otherwise.

I forget

I've forgotten about one of my other hobbies: creative writing.

It had been a while since I had written anything new, so I decided (in my state of insomnia yesternight and tonight) to see if I still could write a poem.

While I may not be a master poet, I am rather pleased and do quite enjoy what I came up with; I feel it's one of my most intricate poems to date.

And while I write for myself, I do know of at least one poetry aficionado who may read this post and who may also enjoy what I've written, so I'll play the cliché blogger and post my poem here:

Untitled

Tempest shod, he mourns the ice
Wherewith the gritted frost
Took his life through rotten means,
Cold and spoiled by torrent’s blood,
Bashed and pried by peeling thoughts.
As limpid breaths on brittle panes
His name is spelled as shot
Morose of baptized red-ing white
Such bought with frozen wings, his plight
To forever wrest on puddled knees.

French Musicals

I had a few more questions & comments from my previous post, and although I answered a couple via comments, I thought I would re-answer them in an official post:

How can you stand their singing [in French Musicals]? Most French musical stars can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I'm no expert in singing -- and I, perhaps, can't carry a tune in a bucket -- but I quite enjoy most of my French musicals (some songs not so much).

Have you seen "8 Femmes"?

I have. In fact, I used to own it several years ago, but then I hit my, "I have to be super righteous so God will make me straight; I better throw away all R-rated movies I own" phase, and out it went.

What French musicals are in your collection?

Ali Baba (Highlights CD & DVD)
Cindy (Integral CD & DVD)
Cléopâtre La Dernière Reine D'Egypte (Highlights CD)
Les Dix Commandements (Highlights CD & DVD)
Don Juan (Integral CD & DVD)
Dracula: Entre l'amour et la mort (DVD)
Émilie Jolie (Integral CD & DVD)
Gladiateur (DVD)
Mozart: L'Opéra Rock (Highlights CD)
Notre Dame de Paris (Integral CD & DVD)
Le Petit Prince (Integral CD & DVD)
Le Roi Soleil (Integral CD & DVD)
Roméo & Juliette (Highlights CD & DVD)
Tristan & Yseult (Highlights CD)

(...I think I remembered them all...)

Wish List:
Kirikou et Karaba DVD
Cléopâtre La Dernière Reine D'Egypte DVD -- coming out December 11
Le Soldat Rose DVD -- I could probably live without this one, though.
Mozart: L'Opéra Rock Integral CD

I have Romeo et Juliette, which I quite like; Les Parapluies de Cherbourg, which is one of my favorite movies; and Notre Dame de Paris (I like some of the songs, but the staging of it was just weird).

Roméo et Juliette is probably my second favorite (Don Juan being my first). I've never seen Les Parapluies de Cherbourg; I'll have to check it out.

I have to agree, the staging in Notre Dame de Paris is rather weird; I would definitely go a different way in most things, but I totally stole what I call the open jazz square from "La Fête des Foux" ; it appears every once in a while in my choreography -- in fact, I just taught it to my 8-11 year-old tap class.

More Answers

Thanks, Abe & Frank, for the pity questions... (I'm such a hypocrite, whining [not really] about the lack of questions when I didn't ask anyone questions, myself.)

Anyway, here are the answers (I'm still saving Ned's previous 3rd question for a later post where I can talk a little more in detail):

Hobbies?

Collecting French Musicals (on CD & DVD... well, when I had the money, anyway).

Teaching myself new things.

... lately... wasting my time watching anime (InuYasha & Naruto... I love Naruto -- the show, I'm not crushing on the character).

Favorite passtime?

Pondering.

Hopes and dreams for the future?

My greatest dream is and always has been to find a spouse with whom to raise a family.

If you knew you were going to die in your sleep tonight - what would you want to do today?

Go to bed early.

What's with the number underneath your swimming arrows logo? Did you design the logo? Are those arrows or something else?

The logo is the "Green Dot". I don't know what the numbers are (maybe some sort of license number or something?). I found the logo in a set of photoshop brushes I downloaded from somewhere. I thought it fit with the word "greenly" -- the font for the letters is called "chalked."

Do you see anything erotic in it? Was that intentional or just a happy accident?

Heh... I do now... I didn't see it until you asked... so I guess I would have to go with a happy accident.

What has been the most important lesson you have learned in your life so far?

I can trust myself.

The Answers

Thanks, Ned, for asking me questions... I would have felt like a real loser if nobody did... (okay, not really).

Anyway, here are the answers:

1) Long ago I asked you something and you asked me to guess, and I didn't guess right and so you withheld the answer. Will you please tell me now?

Ammon -- if I remember your question correctly.

2. What is the origin of the term Greenly Chalked? What does it mean? Am I the only one to ask this?

It's just random nonsense that I thought sounded kind of poetic, and others have asked.

3. Tell us about your most memorable dreams. Who and what do they involve, what do you feel and what do you think they mean?

I'm actually going to answer this one in the next post (coming probably Sunday... but I make no promises) as it touches rather significantly on my recent experiences.

I'll Be a Lemming

Well, the whole "Ask me whatever you want, and I'll answer it" is making it's way around the blogs again, and since I'm feeling rather uninspired for any blog posts lately, I may as well follow the crowd.

So: Ask me whatever you want, and I'll answer it.

Granted, please keep in mind that I do teach youngsters who (and whose parents) can google my name and find this blog, so I do try to keep things PG (maybe PG-13 if I really feel inclined) rated.

I guess the rules also include the "feel free to ask anonymously or privately (my email's on my profile page)" invitation.

Should I ...

My oldest sister started a Facebook thread with my siblings living in Utah to suggest we get together this month for football, chili, and conversation.

I suggested we find a day that my unmarried sister's boyfriend can make it (we've yet to meet him), and my oldest sister said, "Everybody bring dates..."

Now, I'm not going to bring a date -- despite the fact that I don't have anyone I could ask, I don't want to cause waves.

But I am wondering if I should say something like, "For the sake of it being an enjoyable and non-confrontational get together, I'll refrain from bringing a date ;)."

However, I don't know if I should even mention anything at all. On one hand, it could open up the conversation to see how comfortable my siblings are with the idea of me dating guys or even acknowledging that I'm a homo; on the other hand, just saying something could cause waves... and I really just want peace right now.

I honestly have no idea how they would react... so, should I risk confrontation and say something or play it safe and just leave it be?