Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Eccentricity & Celibacy

Stay celibate so I can be forcibly paired with a woman for all eternity: Tempting... not. That's like telling a mathematician who has no interest in literature that, if he reads more, then he may one day write a famous book or poem.

Whoopedie-doo, a book or a poem! All this time I've been worrying about an economic algorithm that can help the world's orphans from lives of hardship... but a book or a poem!?!

Gee-golly, screw helping the orphans; I'll just write a poem about how much their lives suck:

There once was an orphan named Tam'ly
Who knelt as she prayed for a fam'ly
But the self righteous ninnies think that it's better for her to have no family than the loving, caring family two daddies or two mommies could provide. These are the same ninnies who would rather have me write a poem than actually go out and do some good. Screw them. The End.

Stay celibate so I can be the eccentric uncle who lives by himself in a house full of awesome wonders from around the world -- ultimately ending up as the eccentric old man who lives on the hill: Enticing. I will consider.


  1. Don't forget that you have to have a cat when you are forty something... always have to have a cat. A cat named Sprinkles.

    I never quite got the notion of eternal marriage either as a gay man. Yes, I want to be with my family forever and ever, but I don't really look forward to having sex with my eternal wife in heaven.
    It's just hard to desire such things when we don't desire them now.

  2. I've never thought of it that way... you can be like Vincent Price's character in Edward Scissor hands... the lonely eccentric inventor who builds Edward in an effort to fend off loneliness...

  3. "That's like telling a mathematician who has no interest in literature that, if he reads more, then he may one day write a famous book or poem."

    :-) Read more? Heck, they just want to be sure you don't practice math. They also ostensibly recommend mathematicians don't do any writing (unless they find they're not mathematicians after all, and have a strong attraction towards literature). See, no math and no reading or writing, that'll make you into a great writer, eventually.

  4. I've often thought that I could be an eccentric old man someday...

  5. Wickedly insightful. I would love to see you sit down and talk with Elders Oaks & Wickman sometime.

  6. Evan: Actually, I probably would have a cat -- and an absolutely breathtaking aquarium of saltwater fish. I don't think I'd name the cat Sprinkles, though. Maybe Prototype X (make people wonder if I'm into genetic engineering or something).

    Ezra: I never got past the initial credits of that movie... I should give it another go.

    Scot: You are quite right, actually.

    Kyle: It is rather tempting, n'est-ce pas?

    Alan: I would love to sit down with Oaks & Wickman... I doubt the feeling is mutual on their behalf, though.

  7. This is actually quite funny. Nooooo!!! Of course it wouldn't be tempting. When was anything of God tempting though? I didn't know he could tempt. The thing is, Chedner, is that according to Mormon doctrine, you won't be gay anymore after you die. Most mo'hos don't understand that, or definitely overlook it. I don't mean to be impolite, but if that is true then pursuing a gay life would seem ill-spent. Kinda like a rich people who think they can take their riches with them.

  8. Ah, excuse me Nightwatchman, but I think you truly are up in the night. Where in "Mormon doctrine" does it say that sexual orientation is for this life only? Check the scriptures buddy, there's zero zip nada about it. We don't accept the personal speculation of one or two General Authorities as binding doctrine, and that's all your idea is. If you have an authoritative source that says otherwise, by all means let's see it. If not, then you are dishonest to make this exaggerated claim and you should retract.