I Know Things Now

While I have a decent eclection [sic] of talents, I have to accept that what I am actually able to accomplish is severely limited by my mental illness.

It's a difficult thing to accept.

New York!

I pop my New York cherry in just a few hours.

Being a theatre and Marvel geek, I was considering pushing [GMB] into getting us tickets to see Spiderman: Turn off the Dark.

While I know it's received poor reviews, I usually take such with a grain of salt. My tastes are weird, and I tend to like things that most people don't really like. Granted, there were some things that made me worry.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, I gave the show the benefit of the doubt and finally listened to some clips from the original cast recording... and my fears were confirmed, namely:

BONO

Ew. Gross. No, please. Throw it away!

Bono's music (to my ears, anyway) is emotionally monochromatic. To play off of a contrasting, emotionally variegated show : "I Miss[ed] the Mountains." (extra points to those who know the reference)

That said, I must say that I applaud the risk. That, alone, is deserving my support (just not an immediate support, seeing as I'm presently out-of-a-job).

Not many people are risk takers, a trait I'm starting to quite highly value. I'm realizing that stagnation is, by large often [sic], due to not taking a chance. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Spiderman, Turn off the Dark, is the beginning of some yet to be seen spectacular spectacularness in musical theatre.

I know I, being a huge X-Men fan, am now considering that it just may be possible to see a fabu musical based on an otherwise musically-benign comic book series.

Gay Friendly?

"[M]y wife is about as gay friendly as a straight woman could be... But she has her limits. [She's grossed out by gay sex.]"

The Gay Sex 'Ewww' Factor, TwoLives

Someone who is gay friendly sincerely understands and accepts that two people of the same gender actually and truly can share the same bonds as two people of the opposite gender. Gay friendly people cannot be disgusted by homosexual sex any more than they can be disgusted by heterosexual sex.

Why would homosexual sex be more disgusting than heterosexual sex? I mean, think about the things generally involved in sex: the penis, the vagina, the anus, the mouth. I wouldn't want any one of those things, say, touching my food. Hell, I don't even want someone else's hand (also used in sex) touching my food!

So, really, any kind of sex is icky... if we take out the concepts of pleasure, connection, love, and reproduction. If we consider, however, the benefits, implications, and inferences of sex, then we have a completely different picture.

As an allegory, think about sitting down to eat with a friend. Your friend says, "This [insert your favorite food, mine would be Thai curry] is delicious! Try it." If you try it (and you probably would, I would assume) you will have swapped saliva in the process (even if you used different utensils). EWWW!

The sharing of the food isn't gross, but the exchange of saliva is gross (would you have poured even 1/4 of a teaspoon of just your friends saliva into you mouth?). The saliva swap, however, is secondary to the sharing of food, making the entire idea of sharing the food, well, not-so-EWWW.

It's the same with sex. Touching those body parts, swapping those body fluids... EWWW! That is, it would be disgusting if it were the primary concept of sex -- which it isn't. The primary concepts of sex are connecting, pleasuring, loving, and reproducing, making the entire idea of sex, well, not-so-EWWW.

Being grossed out by sex insinuates that such sex is merely playing with another person's (or other people's) gross parts without connection, without pleasure, without love, and/or without reproducing.

Being grossed out by gay sex (specifically more than you're grossed out by straight sex) is not gay friendly. In fact, it's quite the opposite. It's implying that gay sex lacks something that straight sex has (yes, I know it lacks the reproductive qualities, but think about it, nobody is going to say, "EWW! straight non-reproductive sex" when the grossed out one* is okay with reproductive sex).

*I thought I'd try it out in real life, Jay... and I like it... a lot. **

**This is what happens when you make private members public.***

***Aka poor encapsulation****

****OOP reference

Molting

My skin is itching (figuratively -- don't worry, I don't have any diseases... that I know of).

It feels like it's time for me to slough off the growing tightness of my most recent experiences to prepare for the nexts [sic].

The last time I felt this strongly about growing out of my skin, I ended up co-founding a dance academy.

I'm uncertain what this freshness will bring.

But I'm excited.

And a little nervous.

And hungry... time for something greasy with cheese.

Touché, Life. Touché

Just as I was feeling happy that my depression and anxiety didn't destroy my paying job as it has in the past, the company I worked for decides to downsize.

I am once again unemployed.

~sigh~

Phew!

Well, I made it through my past few deep lows with my paying job intact!

First. Time. EVER.

I discovered something new about myself, too: I have social anxiety disorder. I have a good control over it, for the most part, but I've been searching for a counselor who specializes in social phobia. My current coping methods leave me absolutely exhausted after a while. Like I said in a previous post, I'll do well for a while and then start to gradually break down until I retreat to a fortress of solitude to hibernate for at least six months.

So, I keep growing up, learning how to handle my crazies a little bit better every day.

Off to my next adventure!

~fanfare~

A Help Meet

These past few weeks have proven to me the worth of a significant other.

Ordinarily by now I'd have broken down completely and retreated to curl up in a dark corner to sleep for 6 months.

With [GMB]'s support, however, I've been able to fight for my ability to maintain a full-time job (it's an insanely tough battle with my depression and anxiety).

My parents are fantastic and offer as much support as they are able. With ten other kids and each other, though, it leaves them at a disadvantage to being able to completely support me in the way my disability needs.

The same is with my best friend and my other siblings. They can only offer so much support before it cuts into their time and energy for their higher priorities.

I don't think I could aptly explain how much having someone dedicated to me (and I to him) has enhanced and continues to enhance my ability to live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Suffice it to say that I am feeling less disabled because of [GMB].

Thank you, [GMB]. Your love and support are amazing. You are amazing.

I love you.

(... okay, corniness is over...)