Touché, Life. Touché

Just as I was feeling happy that my depression and anxiety didn't destroy my paying job as it has in the past, the company I worked for decides to downsize.

I am once again unemployed.

~sigh~

Phew!

Well, I made it through my past few deep lows with my paying job intact!

First. Time. EVER.

I discovered something new about myself, too: I have social anxiety disorder. I have a good control over it, for the most part, but I've been searching for a counselor who specializes in social phobia. My current coping methods leave me absolutely exhausted after a while. Like I said in a previous post, I'll do well for a while and then start to gradually break down until I retreat to a fortress of solitude to hibernate for at least six months.

So, I keep growing up, learning how to handle my crazies a little bit better every day.

Off to my next adventure!

~fanfare~

A Help Meet

These past few weeks have proven to me the worth of a significant other.

Ordinarily by now I'd have broken down completely and retreated to curl up in a dark corner to sleep for 6 months.

With [GMB]'s support, however, I've been able to fight for my ability to maintain a full-time job (it's an insanely tough battle with my depression and anxiety).

My parents are fantastic and offer as much support as they are able. With ten other kids and each other, though, it leaves them at a disadvantage to being able to completely support me in the way my disability needs.

The same is with my best friend and my other siblings. They can only offer so much support before it cuts into their time and energy for their higher priorities.

I don't think I could aptly explain how much having someone dedicated to me (and I to him) has enhanced and continues to enhance my ability to live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Suffice it to say that I am feeling less disabled because of [GMB].

Thank you, [GMB]. Your love and support are amazing. You are amazing.

I love you.

(... okay, corniness is over...)

Breaking Down

My mental health has been crap lately. Social interactions are becoming more and more difficult for me. My body just wants to sleep all of the time. My mind just wants to give up.

This seems to be the pattern for me. I do well for a few months, I take the time to ground myself whenever something triggers depressive or anxious thoughts, and then after a while it becomes more difficult to spend that energy to ground myself. I start to wear down until I just start to shut down.

As I look back, this has been the pattern for most, if not all, of my life.

Thank God for my boyfriend, [GMB]. He's the best thing in my life right now, and just the thought of his addictive smile helps push me to find the energy to make it through another day.

The Return of the Parentals

My parents get back from their mission in less than a week. I'm both excited and anxious.

I think it's taking a toll on my mental health -- which it shouldn't. I don't want any drama, and I think I'm fearing the worst.

I'm sure, though, things will be just fine.

Princess Monkey Kitten Pretty Lips LOVE!

Although I have an Poppins-purse-load of copywriting I need to do to better advertise what Pankratz Academy of Dance is all about, the bottom line is this: When you support the Academy you help low-income families afford professional dance education and performance opportunities.

The results so far have been amazing (and that's really just barely scratching the surface of what the Academy's been able to do so far).

Presently I am producing an innovative dance production (using ballroom, tap, and classical ballet) titled [Romeo & Juliet] and need to raise at least $2,000 beyond what I'm able to finance to get it to where it needs to be.

Please donate (even if it's just $2!) to help provide this opportunity to students of all financial backgrounds (the link is at the bottom of this post).

Please send the donation link to anyones you may think would be interested and willing (again, even if they can only donate $2!).

All donations are tax deductible (keep your PayPal receipt for your records). The show will also be filmed and made available for free online so you'll be able to enjoy it personally!

Inadequate

My greatest weakness in this public charity business is fundraising... which, in the public charity business, is a big problem.

I've been watching Celebrity Apprentice, and they raise hundreds of thousands of dollars in a blink of an eye, and I don't even know how to start to raise $2000 to produce a show to showcase my ballroom and tap students.

Hell, I don't even know where to start in order to raise just $200.

I don't know what to say to get others as excited as the dancers and I are. I don't know what to say to adequately explain what kind of an opportunity this will be to the dancers -- and how this show is a significant cog in meeting the specific needs of Tooele City's youth (see http://www.tooelecity.org/citydepartments/communitiesthatcare.asp and http://aep-arts.org/files/publications/ChampsReport.pdf).

~sigh~

I feel so... [see subject of post]