A Help Meet

These past few weeks have proven to me the worth of a significant other.

Ordinarily by now I'd have broken down completely and retreated to curl up in a dark corner to sleep for 6 months.

With [GMB]'s support, however, I've been able to fight for my ability to maintain a full-time job (it's an insanely tough battle with my depression and anxiety).

My parents are fantastic and offer as much support as they are able. With ten other kids and each other, though, it leaves them at a disadvantage to being able to completely support me in the way my disability needs.

The same is with my best friend and my other siblings. They can only offer so much support before it cuts into their time and energy for their higher priorities.

I don't think I could aptly explain how much having someone dedicated to me (and I to him) has enhanced and continues to enhance my ability to live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Suffice it to say that I am feeling less disabled because of [GMB].

Thank you, [GMB]. Your love and support are amazing. You are amazing.

I love you.

(... okay, corniness is over...)

Breaking Down

My mental health has been crap lately. Social interactions are becoming more and more difficult for me. My body just wants to sleep all of the time. My mind just wants to give up.

This seems to be the pattern for me. I do well for a few months, I take the time to ground myself whenever something triggers depressive or anxious thoughts, and then after a while it becomes more difficult to spend that energy to ground myself. I start to wear down until I just start to shut down.

As I look back, this has been the pattern for most, if not all, of my life.

Thank God for my boyfriend, [GMB]. He's the best thing in my life right now, and just the thought of his addictive smile helps push me to find the energy to make it through another day.

The Return of the Parentals

My parents get back from their mission in less than a week. I'm both excited and anxious.

I think it's taking a toll on my mental health -- which it shouldn't. I don't want any drama, and I think I'm fearing the worst.

I'm sure, though, things will be just fine.

Princess Monkey Kitten Pretty Lips LOVE!

Although I have an Poppins-purse-load of copywriting I need to do to better advertise what Pankratz Academy of Dance is all about, the bottom line is this: When you support the Academy you help low-income families afford professional dance education and performance opportunities.

The results so far have been amazing (and that's really just barely scratching the surface of what the Academy's been able to do so far).

Presently I am producing an innovative dance production (using ballroom, tap, and classical ballet) titled [Romeo & Juliet] and need to raise at least $2,000 beyond what I'm able to finance to get it to where it needs to be.

Please donate (even if it's just $2!) to help provide this opportunity to students of all financial backgrounds (the link is at the bottom of this post).

Please send the donation link to anyones you may think would be interested and willing (again, even if they can only donate $2!).

All donations are tax deductible (keep your PayPal receipt for your records). The show will also be filmed and made available for free online so you'll be able to enjoy it personally!

Inadequate

My greatest weakness in this public charity business is fundraising... which, in the public charity business, is a big problem.

I've been watching Celebrity Apprentice, and they raise hundreds of thousands of dollars in a blink of an eye, and I don't even know how to start to raise $2000 to produce a show to showcase my ballroom and tap students.

Hell, I don't even know where to start in order to raise just $200.

I don't know what to say to get others as excited as the dancers and I are. I don't know what to say to adequately explain what kind of an opportunity this will be to the dancers -- and how this show is a significant cog in meeting the specific needs of Tooele City's youth (see http://www.tooelecity.org/citydepartments/communitiesthatcare.asp and http://aep-arts.org/files/publications/ChampsReport.pdf).

~sigh~

I feel so... [see subject of post]

Utopia

Sometimes I wonder if a utopia could really be built. We all seem to have such different ideals that I don't know if one place could exist where everyone would be truly happy, healthy, and productive.

Take, for example, the concept of productivity. When I was just focusing on the dance academy, I was told by many that I wasn't being productive -- because I couldn't fully take care of all of my financial needs. But I had never felt more productive.

Happy and healthy each have their own skews as well.

To be honest, this is where the LDS concept of different degrees of heaven makes sense to me. The LDS idea of heaven is that all mankind is glorified (well except those who explicitly refuse and explicitly know God's grace) but also segregated into compartmentalized utopias that best fit with their ideals.

Granted, such would be my take of the LDS doctrines... it may not be the official stance.

Why I Do It

I was joking around with my dance students, saying that I was a millionaire. One of the students said, "If you were a millionaire, you wouldn't be here," to which I promptly replied:

"Even if I had a billion dollars, I would still be here. We'd just have a more fabulous studio."

I'm not in this to make any money. My other job as a programmer keeps me comfortable enough. I set up this dance academy (and volunteer a significant amount of my time, energy, and effort) to create opportunities for youth that they ordinarily couldn't have.

Fifteen percent of the student body is on scholarship due to financial hardships in their families.

Boys -- BOYS -- are feeling not only comfortable but proud dancing. This alone almost brings me to tears when I think about it. When I was younger, after I had watched the ballet, Billy the Kid, during a school field trip, I wanted to learn how to dance but was too scared by the stigma, too poor to afford anything, and (even if I were more courageous and had the money) there simply weren't any studios that really taught boys where I grew up, where I'm building up the Academy.

Because of my previous skills working with people who have disabilities, I've been able to open up my classes to students with special needs (such as students who have been diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities).

This is why I do this.