Saturday, April 26, 2008

Strange Magic

As I have been making all these changes in my life -- a new job and place to live -- my anxiety has been climaxing. Now, I'm not talking about the normal anxieties of starting a new job and moving... I'm talking about the abnormal inability to eat, inability to sleep though exhausted, the inability to get out of bed in the morning, etc. Such has been my body's reaction to newness for most (if not all) of my life.

In the past, I did not handle my anxiety well -- for example, I never got used to Junior High (I had to be home taught my eigth year of school because of my anxiety and depression), it took three years of high school before my anxieties calmed down... the list goes on.

Yet, there seems to be some sort of strange magic this time through. I can't honestly say for certain what such is, but my anxiety (although attacking pell-mell) is manageable; I can handle it! I finally have the fortitude and energy to handle/manage my disability even though it's not going away... and it's indescribably fantastic.

Hopefully it will last. In my past life, whenever I've felt similar to this (each time progessively getting stronger; this time now being the strongest ever), something has happened that exacerbates my condition to a point of unmanageability. In my evaluations of my life, I have seen rather blatent evidence that this past trigger has been the same in every circumstance -- which circumstance will remain unnamed as to avoid sounding contentious -- I have recently removed this circumstance from being a part of my life... we will see how it goes!


  1. I think I know exactly what you mean. I am SO grateful to hear this.

    You know, we don't have to have answers for the smarty-pants who feel the need to judge our every move. We aren't accountable to them.

  2. I'm so glad ... I am SO grateful to hear this ...

    Thanks, guys; I'm very grateful, myself!

    We aren't accountable to them.

    I sure wish I could please them, though (when "they" are people whom I love).