Utopia

Sometimes I wonder if a utopia could really be built. We all seem to have such different ideals that I don't know if one place could exist where everyone would be truly happy, healthy, and productive.

Take, for example, the concept of productivity. When I was just focusing on the dance academy, I was told by many that I wasn't being productive -- because I couldn't fully take care of all of my financial needs. But I had never felt more productive.

Happy and healthy each have their own skews as well.

To be honest, this is where the LDS concept of different degrees of heaven makes sense to me. The LDS idea of heaven is that all mankind is glorified (well except those who explicitly refuse and explicitly know God's grace) but also segregated into compartmentalized utopias that best fit with their ideals.

Granted, such would be my take of the LDS doctrines... it may not be the official stance.

Why I Do It

I was joking around with my dance students, saying that I was a millionaire. One of the students said, "If you were a millionaire, you wouldn't be here," to which I promptly replied:

"Even if I had a billion dollars, I would still be here. We'd just have a more fabulous studio."

I'm not in this to make any money. My other job as a programmer keeps me comfortable enough. I set up this dance academy (and volunteer a significant amount of my time, energy, and effort) to create opportunities for youth that they ordinarily couldn't have.

Fifteen percent of the student body is on scholarship due to financial hardships in their families.

Boys -- BOYS -- are feeling not only comfortable but proud dancing. This alone almost brings me to tears when I think about it. When I was younger, after I had watched the ballet, Billy the Kid, during a school field trip, I wanted to learn how to dance but was too scared by the stigma, too poor to afford anything, and (even if I were more courageous and had the money) there simply weren't any studios that really taught boys where I grew up, where I'm building up the Academy.

Because of my previous skills working with people who have disabilities, I've been able to open up my classes to students with special needs (such as students who have been diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities).

This is why I do this.

The Purpose of Life

I think I would say that I believe that the purpose of life is to build a utopia wherein all are joyful and prosperous.

As I struggle with my specific spiritual beliefs, I don't know if I believe that this utopia is something that we (who vanish, so to speak, upon death) are trying to build for future generations or if this utopia is something that we (who live beyond the grave) will partake of for eternity.

I cannot see, however, how the self-governance of one's life should differ whether we are building for a future generation, perhaps never to experience the ideal world ourselves, or if we will find ourselves in state of joy and prosperity forever.

Beginnings With God

It's difficult for me to approach the subject of God these days. In a way, I feel like I've needed to start over with everything God-related.

So I'm back to asking myself, "Is there a God?"

More importantly I wonder, "Should I care even if there is a God?"

I mean, convincing me of the existence of something is one thing, convincing me that I should worry or care about its existence is a vastly different conversation.

I Just Can't Hide It

I wish I could blog more. I have some thoughts that I'd like to get out in binary.

Hélas, I have been well busy.

But in that business is some great news: The Academy has received its first grant!

I will be able to produce a dance performance I've been mulling over for a while. It's a-gunna be fabulous.

Our upcoming production of Cinderella is going to be fabulous as well.

I will post the performance dates so you all can come and enjoy.

I'm so excited.

2010: The Year I Growed Up

You know, I really wasn't expecting much out of 2010.

All I really hoped for was a good year with the dance academy and to apply for its 501(c)(3) status.

What I got was a pretty good year with the dance academy, a great boyfriend, a job that actually pays me a salary, my very first place all of my own, the 501(c)(3) application sent in, and the IRS determination letter hardly a month later.

In a way, I guess you could say that I finally grew up. I mean, I bought my first table, dinnerware, silverware, and set of pots and pans... that's a pretty big step for me (considering my major Peter Pan complex).

That's not to say, of course, that everything went extremely smoothly. The Academy, itself, is like 3 full-time jobs for me. Adding another full-time job on top of that really shook things up for my sanity (what very little I had left).

My relationship with my boyfriend has had its ups and downs... as is to be expected, especially with my strained mental health.

All-in-all, though, it was a pretty fabulous year.

I'm tempted to set the bar for 2011 pretty high, but I may just aim low and be presently surprised again.

WelLong Story

To make a long-ish story short, [GMB] and I had basically a two day talk. I think we understand each other a lot better now.

So we decided to call off the break-up.

I know, I know; it seems fickle. I claim temporary insanity, what with the drastically changed sleeping schedule and all.

[GMB] is a saint for putting up with me.