Speaking of Crazy

I have been extra crazy these past couple of days.

My insanity is screaming for a change of scene, to disappear and start my life over somewhere else.

It's not that my life's bad or anything. I guess I'm just hitting a patch of boredom. Sure I have a lot to do and what-not, but it's just drudgery.

I think I've lost most of my passion for everything that's been going on in my life right now, I've lost that spark of interest. Well, I'm quite passionate about my vision for my dance academy, but the whole problem of money is quite the spoiler.

I'm not sure how we're going to find the money to do what we need to do.

I wish I could say that I'm joking, but part of me is seriously considering finding a sugar daddy... is that bad of me? Admittedly, it's not the best route to take, but it sure would be a quick one.

Insanity

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

~Albert Einstein

This past year, I've really shaken up my approach to life. Some positive things have happened. Some not-so-positive things have happened.

But insane I am becoming less... well, depending on one's definition of insane.

I'm still pretty dern crazy.

Nonetheless, I am getting different results out of life than I had been. Who knows if they're better or worse than my previous results. Well... I guess not much can get worse to wanting to run a knife through your heart... perhaps I should say: Who knows if they're better than any other alternative changes I could have made, but I do enjoy life for the most part now.

And that is a positive thing, eh?

Swan Lake

For those of you who are interested, able, and close please come and support my dance academy this Saturday, May 22nd, at Stansbury High School (5300 N. Aberdeen Lane Stansbury, UT 84074), 7 PM.

We will be performing our abridged adaptation of the ballet, Swan Lake. I, personally, am dancing the role of Rothbart, the evil sorcerer--but it still should be a decent show, nonetheless.

It's $4/person or $11/family (parents/guardians + children).

3 AM Experiments

My body is kind of reacting negatively to my recent stress and overworkedness.

Today, for example, I slept until 3 PM, got up to teach until 7, and then crashed again until about 1 AM—not so great when you have a to-do list of a million and one empty check-boxes.

Thankfully I've been able to find ways to destress at least a little. Last night I had ice cream and watched Doctor Who with some friends.

I also remembered a destresser I had forgotten: baking (esp. experimenting with baking).

Right now, my peach-marbled brownies experiment is baking.

I hope it's a success. The batter sure was fabulous, if I may so brag.

More Than I'm Willing to Admit to Myself

One of my nieces was baptized into the LDS Church on Saturday. So I got to spend the morning with my family...

... and I think hanging out with my family was more difficult for me than I'm willing to admit, even to myself. I mean my 'nap' from 2:00 PM Saturday to 4:00 PM Sunday was more than just me being overworked, methinks.

I think I'm more bitter and angry and frustrated about feeling like I have to hide a part of myself from those with whom I'm the closest than I'm willing to admit to myself.

I think it hurts more than I'm willing to admit to myself to hear the jovial and excited, "When are we going to meet Teena's boyfriend? We're so excited for Preston and Hannah's engagement!" comments, thinking how they would feel quite the opposite about any such thing for me.

Instead of confronting these feelings, I'm just shutting down, lying to myself, pretending I'm not hurt. It's most likely not the most healthy thing to be doing.

It's probably a good thing I don't have a boyfriend right now; not being able to have invited him probably would have made things more difficult for me to ignore.

... speaking of lying to myself and boys, I was probably thinking how nice it would have been to have been offended that I couldn't have invited a certain someone to the baptism more than I am willing to admit to myself...

What the May?

How did May get here so quickly? I am not ready for this... argh.

Who knew being the CEO, President, Treasurer, IT department, design department, construction crew, ballroom director, ballroom instructor, tap director, and tap instructor of a rapidly growing nonprofit dance academy would be so exhausting and time & talent consuming?

Hopefully enrollment will grow sufficiently that it all won't be volunteer work come Fall. My piggy bank is empty... which means Magic 27th Birthday 5-27-2010 will have to cost $0.

Hmm... some may say, "Impossible!" to which I would append, "things are happening every day!"

And some would be all, "You did not just quote Hammerstein."

And I'd be all, "Uh, 'pretty sure I did; what are you going to do about it?"

Then some would trash me.

Sometimes I really dislike those some.