Friday, January 22, 2010

I'm getting bold in my old age.

I have a friend--let's call him Pedro--about whom I've had a hunch that he was gay. He sometimes gives off the "gay vibe." He'll say things I used to say when I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay. I could have sworn he almost went in for a kiss one day, several years ago. Etc.

After a chat with another one of my friends (who is gay) who was having a rather tough time, Pedro's [real] name kept popping into my head.

So, I did something I wouldn't normally do.

I asked Pedro if he was attracted to guys.

His response: "I can honestly say I have never been attracted to other men."

My hunch was (thankfully--I really wouldn't wish this on anyone, especially another Mormon) wrong.

Now, the reason why I mention this at all: I was quite proud of myself for actually being bold enough to ask.

Normally I like to say nothing, see how things play out without my interference.

I'm thinking this may be progress in my life?

Heck, maybe next I'll interfere with life and actually ask someone out myself.


  1. I don't know if his answer proves anything... Because I did the exact same thing at one point.

    In my senior year in college (when I was still struggling with this stuff) I pretty much fell head over heels in love with a straight friend. One evening, I was at his house. More than anything, I just wanted to hold him; kiss him. I was sitting really close to him...

    He finally picked up on the vibes he was getting from me. He (very compassionately I think) gave me a very long, warm hug. Then he said to me, "I think I know what you need."

    I asked him what he meant by that, and then he told me he had a couple of gay friends, and he encouraged me to talk to them.

    I was actually pretty mortified, and I completely denied that I was gay. I apologized, and told him he had completely misread me, and then I left. Really, it took another year before I was ready to come out.

    But my approach to this is that regardless of what "vibes" you are getting from someone else, you always have to let them have control over their coming out process. It's possible the vibes you think you're getting are wrong. But wrong or right, it's up to that individual to figure it out for him or herself.

  2. Amen to J G-W. I'd still deny it if someone asked me today, unless I trusted the person.

  3. Pedro reminds me very much of Davros, my friend - who I am about 80% nearly kissed me once, and who, to this day denies any of it, never mind that he quite deliberately pushed my buttons FOR YEARS in high school.

    And JGW - that's a tender story.

    and Boskers, we're in the same boat, although I have much less reason to be asked, being the seven-year married father of two.