Did you read that right?
Did I write that right?
... mission... yep, I believe I did.
I'm going on a mission. Of the LDS variety.
Yeah, me too. In fact, I doubt you could be more surprised than I am right now. Seriously, I'm sitting here laughing in shock. I did not see this coming.
My parents are less surprised. Damn parents, always on to me. But they're brimming with smiles. (They just put in their papers for a mission and are awaiting their call.)
It all feels like an episode of the Twilight Zone to me, though. What the hell is going on?
I said I've been taking things a day at a time, simply focusing on listening to the Spirit and going where I feel compelled to go. Right now, I'm being compelled to serve an LDS mission, so that's where I'm heading.
I even let it brew for a few days, trying to talk myself out of it. (Nobody put these thoughts into my head, p.s., it's all my crazy self's doing.) But, hélas, here I am. It's a done deal in my heart. Which was never the case for me, mission-wise.
I always had an excuse. My health (now solid). My agony (now vanquished). My hatred for the Church (now resolved).
I've run out of excuses.
Where does this leave me, you may wonder, re being gay? Truth is, I have no clue.
Again, I'm taking things a day at a time.
à chaque jour suffit sa peine
I've given all of tomorrow's worries up to the Lord. Wherever He would have me go, I'll go. I have my thoughts. I have my hopes. But I'm going where I feel the Lord takes me. One step at a time. He holds the reigns, and I'm focused on feeling His tugs whilst trudging through the mud of today (and, you know, today's mud is feeling less and less... well... muddy).
In all honesty, though, there are things about the Church that I really don't like. Nevertheless, all these things, the things I see as arbitrary/foolish/ludicrous/horrible/etc. nimbly roll of my back as I look at the bigger picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
And regarding this bigger picture, my testimony is strong. It has not only survived the desire to abandon it completely but has also come through more tempered and shiny than before. And I want to go out and share my reborn/renewed testimony with the world--or, at least, a little corner thereof.
Call me crazy (I know some of you will.) Truth is, I am.
But, you know....
It's working for me.