I was supposed to meet with my Bishop again tonight.
I canceled -- mostly because I am coming down with some sort of viral infection. My throat is on fire, and I'm starting to feel nauseous.
However, I did cancel in part because of how I'm seen within the Church.
To put it bluntly, the leaders of the Church -- both local and general -- are not my allies. I don't know if I would go as far as to say they are my enemies; however, I would say that they see me, in a way, as theirs.
When I'm talking with Priesthood leaders, it feels as though I'm in an inquisition. The meetings are full of "Prove to me you are not a heretic" and completely void of "How can I be of service to you?"
They are brimming with "This is what you need" and lacking "What do you need?"
There is only, "You need to understand" and no "Help me understand where you're coming from."
There is no discussion.
I am talked (down) to.
I hate it.