The other night I had one of those dreams that stuck out and sticks with me.

Two -- mostly disjointed -- things stuck out most: a frozen, but thawing, lion and the deaths of my immediate family members.

If I were to give meaning to my dream, thus would be my interpretations of the two symbols:

My Family, Dead

Ultimately, this could be seen as my newly found independence with [GMB]. I am completely 'growed up' and no longer rely on the financial support of my family, and most of my emotional support now is fulfilled by [GMB]. Dreaming of my family members' deaths could signify my separation from needing them for my survival.

Each sibling or parent died in a unique way which could perhaps be translated into how I viewed that relationship and in what way I relied on that family member.

It could also signify the death of the angst I've been having. I used to have dreams where my family and I would fight about my choices in life. This Christmas, however, my family went beyond my expectations and welcomed [GMB] and me in a way that we could only wish for. My angst-y dreams have stopped since Christmas break.

A Frozen Yet Thawing Lion

A lion tends to symbolize the regal/kingly, and I have definitely been feeling like I need to really take command of my creative ideas, especially now that I'm financially responsible and stable.

I have a plethora of ideas and passions. Right now my, shall I say, kingdom of ideas has been rather unruly. Recently, though, there's been a sense of a coming king, an order to the chaos.

I am ready, I think, to finally organize my thoughts, figure out how to accomplish the ideas that would bring the most satisfaction and meaning to my creative identity and cull those lesser aspirations.

Good News

[GMB] and I are engaged.

Bad News

Ah, hell, there's no bad news here. I'm an extremely lucky guy.

I have never been so happy, healthy, productive, and stable in my life -- and a significant reason is [GMB].

He is an amazing support to me -- to put it mildly. I hope that I am able to be one to him.

I must say that it suits part of my style. Minimalistic yet filled with significant meaning. Compressed.

Where I stray from the core of contemporary haiku (from what I've been able to learn of it) is my preference for poetic phrasing.

At the same time, though, I think aiming to conform to the common core is a good exercise for me in "showing not telling."

As I look back at my writing (which I often feel is "over-designed") I think I'm seeing that the parts that feel too "heavy" are those where I'm telling more than showing.

I would post my favorites on my other blog, but I'm actually considering something I thought I'd never consider: trying to get published somewhere. I think I would like to be able to write to a larger audience. Not for any sort of monetary-seeking (I'm very comfortable right now) but because I hope to make this world a more artistic and creative place (as much as I am able, anyway).

Much better.

I was also able to find a new job. It's been a significantly awesomer fit (plus a 25% raise).

Life is good again.

... or is it?

Yeah.

It is.

It's a difficult thing to accept.

My depression has been kicking my fesse and kicking my fesse and kicking my fesse throughout my entire life.

Medication (both herbal and Rx) has only done so much.

Cognitive therapy has only done so much.

Diet and exercise has [sic] only done so much.

Combinations of all of the above have only done so much.

I think it's time I try something else.

I'm tired of feeling... well... dead.

Being a theatre and Marvel geek, I was considering pushing [GMB] into getting us tickets to see Spiderman: Turn off the Dark.

While I know it's received poor reviews, I usually take such with a grain of salt. My tastes are weird, and I tend to like things that most people don't really like. Granted, there were some things that made me worry.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, I gave the show the benefit of the doubt and finally listened to some clips from the original cast recording... and my fears were confirmed, namely:

Ew. Gross. No, please. Throw it away!

Bono's music (to my ears, anyway) is emotionally monochromatic. To play off of a contrasting, emotionally variegated show : "I Miss[ed] the Mountains." (extra points to those who know the reference)

That said, I must say that I applaud the risk. That, alone, is deserving my support (just not an immediate support, seeing as I'm presently out-of-a-job).

Not many people are risk takers, a trait I'm starting to quite highly value. I'm realizing that stagnation is, by large often [sic], due to not taking a chance. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Spiderman, Turn off the Dark, is the beginning of some yet to be seen spectacular spectacularness in musical theatre.

I know I, being a huge X-Men fan, am now considering that it just may be possible to see a fabu musical based on an otherwise musically-benign comic book series.