The entire right side of my body has been slightly numb since around 4 AM Wednesday. I've also been having rather odd mood swings since. This morning I woke up somewhat nauseous and spent a little more than three consecutive hours in the bathroom due to a seemingly angry GI tract. (I'm thinking it may be a migraine without pain or a vitamin B-12 deficiency ... those are the best options -- unless I had a stroke that I don't about -- I could find from the good ol' "trustworthy" Dr. Internet.)
Furthermore, last night, as I was driving home from my sister's house in Draper (this is the short story), my car finked out on me and is now sitting in a parking lot (hopefully it's still there; it could have been towed away by now) waiting for my brother to be able to go take a look at it tomorrow morning. (I'm thinking it has something to do with the transmission ... that's the best option my ignorant gay male mind that knows nothing about cars could consider.)
You know the saying, "When it rains it pours" ... I'm not saying that it's really pouring right now, 'cause, really, nothing really horrible is happening. Even if I end up without a car, I don't live too far away from my studio. I'm just saying that I hope this isn't the start of a downpour.
Well, after almost a decade of severe depression, having had no desire to really take care of myself, my teeth are in not so good of shape... and by "not so good of shape" I mean $6K's worth.
Luckily, my dentist's son wants to learn Tap, so I'll be paying via trade for most of it. However, I'm back in debt a few thousand dollars because of my teeth.
To be completely honest, it's difficult not to want to sue the Mormon church to pay for all this. My years of wanting to kill myself, not being able to take care of myself, are directly its fault. My family's unwillingness to help me out financially is owed to the slander and libel spouted by the Mormon church. I wouldn't be out to get more than what I've had to pay as a result of being damaged and defamed by the Church.
Unfortunately, I probably don't have a legal case, even though this bill -- and several others -- justly belongs in the hands of the Mormon leaders.
You know how Mamma Mia! is a musical written around several Abba songs? Well, I've an idea for a musical written around several of Madonna's songs (about being a gay Mormon, of course). Here is the skeletal concept (I've a lot more ideas, such as dialogue in between the songs, but I'm just sticking to the bare necessities to get my idea across) of the first act:
ACT I
Scene I. Main Character (MAIN)'s Bedroom, early morning. MAIN is kneeling next to his bed, praying. Two groups of people are on stage, one representing the main character's gay side (GAYS), the other group representing the main character's Mormon side (MORMONS).
MORMONS
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
GAYS
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
BOTH
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
MORMONS
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
GAYS
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
BOTH
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
If I could melt your heart
Scene II. Transitioning from MAIN's bedroom to classroom. ENSEMBLE singing.
Scene III. BYU Classroom.
Hung Up (scene focusing on flirting between the boys and girls in class)
[Dialogue between MAIN and his girlfriend (GIRLFRIEND) over cell phone. gist: MAIN's friends (BRIDE & GROOM) are getting married at MAIN's hometown -- where GIRLFRIEND is. MAIN will fly in for the reception.]
Scene IV. ??. Girlfriend singing alone.
Scene V. Wedding Reception.
[MAIN is distant from GIRLFRIEND. MAIN meets HIM. Dialogue ensues. MAIN & HIM part. HIM, GAYS, and MORMONs sing (I'd post the lyrics to show who sings what, but I can't find any I can just copy and paste).]
[BRIDE & GROOM's song follows; song is made to be obviously applicable to HIM and MAIN; HIM and MAIN sing several lines (again, I would post how it would be, but I can't find any lyrics I can just copy and paste... I'm lazy, so sue me).]
Scene VI. Possibly Church Parking Lot, Outside Reception. Song sung by GIRLFRIEND to MAIN.
[Dialogue between MAIN and GIRLFRIEND. gist: "Probably best to see other people." Everyone starts heading home. Song sung by MAIN, GIRLFRIEND, and HIM.]
Scene VII. Scene is constantly changing between MAIN talking with Bishops/Stake Presidents, sitting in Sacrament meeting, hanging out with HIM, hanging out with GIRLFRIEND, etc. Scene ends in MAIN's bedroom. MAIN is singing.
Scene VIII. MAIN's bedroom. MAIN is, once again, kneeling by his bed, praying.
[ENSEMBLE sings. Staging has to indicate struggle with religion... not 100% sure what I want...]
[MAIN sings, bottle of pills in hand.]
[MAIN swallows all pills in bottle.]
END ACT I
All I have of Act II so far is the first song:
[MAIN awakens]
My little brother went on a "it wasn't a date, we just hung out" yesterday. He didn't want anyone in the family to know. Some of my brothers enjoy teasing and constantly prodding to know if there have been more dates/what-not.
I laughingly told him, "Luckily, I'm immune to such things."
The thing is, I think it's quite the opposite of 'luckily.'
My little brother doesn't talk about the romantics of his life because he doesn't want to get teased.
I refrain from talking about the romantics of my life because I want to avoid contention.
You know what I would give just to sit down with my mom and talk about my lovesick heart right now?
... dieu que le monde est injuste...
Say you are looking to buy a computer, the most state-of-art computer you can buy with a budget of $6,000, and say that you need this computer for whatever reason.
You go to two stores.
Both stores offer decent computers that would fit your budget, but for some reason, none of them really sit well with you or ideally fit your needs.
The first store does have a computer that you feel would be practically perfect... but it costs $10,000, and you would have to go into a rather undesirable debt in order to buy it. You're not sure if the debt would necessarily be worth it in the end, but the computer would be a dream come true and would make things much easier when it comes to your needs.
The second store offers you a deal. For your $6,000, they would promise you a computer that would surpass your greatest dreams (they have exclusive connections with the manufacturer); however, they don't have it yet, so you would have to use a loaner computer until they get it in (date of arrival unknown). The loaner computer doesn't really meet your expectations or needs in a computer.
What do you do?
Do you buy a $6,000 computer which may not be ideal and is barely sufficient, if at all?
Do you go into debt $4,000 to buy a dream computer which would make your work a lot easier?
Do you take the second store's offer?
Most importantly: Do you see what I'm getting at?
