Sunday, June 29, 2008

Man In the Mirror

As I've been evaluating my life these past few months, I've been noticing a significant difference in the quality of my life when compared to my past years. My attitude is now lighter; my ability to handle stress and anxiety has strengthened; I no longer fall asleep in tears of fear and hopelessness of the morrow -- on the contrary, I most often fall asleep smiling, anxious for the next day.

I am becoming more and more financially independent -- the aforementioned interview went well, and I got the position (which entails a $4.75/hr raise in pay and other benefits that were not included in my now part-time position).

I know I've mentioned this difference before, but things just keep improving, and I cannot equate it to anything but the love and guidance of God. I really hope my family will be able to recognize this improvement in my life and know that God has not forsaken me nor I Him. I know there will be some rough times ahead with them, especially once/if I find a spouse. I know some of them, if they were in California, would be actively pushing the amendment that would block gay marriage.

Such is difficult for me to think about; it's difficult for me to understand.

But I have hope for the future; I have faith that hearts will be humbled and softened, and I hope my future family will be a trigger for Christ's light to start making that change.

And speaking of a future family, I think I'm ready to start dating now... however, I don't really know where to look...

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Swamps of Home

JGW posted the following comment on my post, 'All That I Know':
I have wondered about the fact that gender is not always so fixed as people might assume. But I haven't thought about fundamental nature of reproduction being the blending genetic material from two individuals in random ways to produce infinitely varied new individual bodies. I think we know so little about how mortal, physical existence relates to immortal, spiritual existence.
I have several theories concerning eternal gender and reproduction of eternal beings. (Of course, I have many theories concerning many, many things... but I digress.)

Anyway, drawing from what the LDS church teaches, it is believed we -- before we came to this world -- were spiritual children (derived from 'intelligences') of physical beings. This actually presents an interesting conundrum as the concept of reproduction implies the production of offspring of the same genre/type/I-can't-think-of-the-right-word as the parent(s). That is to say, when a penguin reproduces, another penguin is created. When a cell reproduces, another cell is created. Or that is to ask: When something physical reproduces, why would something non-physical be created?

I know my wording/explanation isn't perfect in regards to joining my thoughts, but I think the astute reader will see my line of reasoning.

This conundrum has often made me wonder how reproduction works in the eternities. Some may say such is one of those, "Does God have a belly button?" or "It's not vital we understand, so just don't worry about it." questions... however, when we are told, "Gay coupling cannot be eternal because of reproduction requirements" then it becomes an extremely vital concept to those of us who cannot feel honest in accepting this statement at face value.

Now, I'm going to share just a very, very skimmed version of one of my theories. There is, of course, much more to it, but such would be a much larger essay that I may perhaps one day sit down and write -- along with other essays I would like to flesh out.

Firstly, my theory begins with the concept of energy, specifically light. Christ is often described as the "Light of the world" or just the "Light." I believe one can perhaps take this in a literal meaning, that an exalted being is a being of pure energy much akin to light, but perhaps even greater.

I think it, therefore, theoretically possible that exalted beings are, therefore, truly omnipresent in that this energy/light emanates to the eternal corners of the universe. That is not to say that an eternal being is no longer 'physical' -- indeed, I would assume the physical portion is a core of the total energy. I say 'a core' as -- like, in say one's bedroom, the light of the sun through a window and the light of the room's light bulb become the light within the room -- the energies of all exalted beings would be one energy coming from separate cores -- which would also allow for a literal translation of the Father and the Son being one Being (and of us literally becoming one with Them).

Now, from this theory is derived the thought, "If exalted beings are the greatest form of energy, then pre-exalted beings must be different concentrations of this energy or different forms of energy"

Our current understanding of energy teaches us that energy is never "spent" but only converted from one form of energy to another. This leads me to theorize that intelligences or perhaps just spiritual beings are brought to pass through a specific usage of the energy of exalted beings... love (and I do not imply any sexual acts). Why love? Well, that's another essay article. As is the importance of gender (yes, I strongly believe gender is absolutely vital to this reproduction / transference of energy... but I don't believe there are only two genders).

But my point in writing this post isn't to convince anyone of anything save the understanding that we simply don't know everything, and that there are so many possibilities out there... we should never be content in just accepting something -- especially when our non-questioning acceptance leads to belief that some people don't deserve the happiness that is within their grasps.


In other news: I have an interview on Monday for a new job (as a programmer). Pray that the interview goes well for me! I've never wanted a job as much as I do this one.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I Kissed a Girl

Not really... but I've been forgetting that I'm gay lately. That is to say, one of my friends will mention something, tease me about being gay, what-not and I have to pause and think, "I'm not... oh yeah, I am."

It's kind of funny, now that I've accepted my homosexuality, it no longer rules my life. It's rarely on my mind; I can focus on living, which is nice... yet exhausting!

My job is more stressful than I anticipated. I wouldn't say I'm overwhelmed -- I'm pooped, don't get me wrong -- but jumping from perhaps the worst experience in my life, ripping myself from the LDS church, right into a stressful job has been a little rough... I could perhaps use something a little more low-key.

I actually don't plan on leaving where I'm working right now; I'd probably stay on part-time, maybe 10-20 hours a week, depending on what my hours of my new job (if I can find one more low-key) will be.

Anyway, I promised myself I was going to go to bed right at 23:30... it is now 23:43... I'm going to bed.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

All That I Know

I've been wondering: Can the 23 chromosomes of a human egg pair up with the 23 chromosomes of another human egg to create a healthy human baby? Likewise, can the 23 chromosomes of a human sperm pair up with the 23 chromosomes of another human sperm to create a healthy human baby?

Theoretically, it's possible (reference)... you just have to have a masterful grasp of science.

So, I have to question the statement, "Homosexuality is wrong/unacceptable because homosexuals cannot reproduce [in the eternities]."

Literal reproduction by the couple alone may not be possible now, but we're asked to look at things in an eternal aspect. As I do so, I think, "Well, if exalted beings are truly omniscient and omnipotent, then the 46 chromosomes needed for a healthy human offspring can be easily provided and fused by a couple of the same gender to reproduce literally." I mean, if we mere mortals are heading in that direction -- and have seen at least one successful example with a mouse (who is healthy enough to bear children of her own) -- how difficult could it be for an exalted being?

Quite literally, homosexual couples have in them the potential to multiply and replenish the earth in the most commonly translated sense of the commandment...

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Quand la gique s'est arrêtée

There once was a great village wherein lay a great garden wherein grew great vegetables and fruits. Often, the villagers would harvest and store the fresh crops – the fruits were kept for the villagers, the vegetables for the livestock.

One day in this village, a little boy became exceedingly ill. The village Elders visited the boy and found that the child’s illness came from eating the fruits. Every fruit was tried by the child, and every fruit added to the young boy’s illness.

The boy wept, “I have tasted of every fruit in the garden, and they all are bitter in my stomach... but the vegetables smell good to me, and I feel they would succor me.”

The Elders were quick to respond, “It is not our nature to partake of the vegetables, such is the nature of the livestock. Our nature is to partake of the fruits.”

The boy pleaded, “Perhaps I do not understand natures, but I know the fruits go sour and rot in my belly, and I know I will starve without food; therefore, there must be a food wherewith I can survive. Again, the vegetables smell good to me – can I not eat of them?”

The Elders looked sorrowful, “We are deeply saddened by your disease, but we must not betray our natures, and from all we know, it is not natural of us to eat vegetable. It is unfortunate, but we fear you must endure in sickness, eating fruits, until we know more about your disease.”

So the boy ate the fruits, and though he did not starve, he was often sick and his physical stature greatly stunted. And despite the Elders’ best efforts, no further understanding was ever gained by them.

Years later, the young boy – now a meager young man – stood before the Elders one last time, “Again, I may not understand human nature... but I do now understand my needs and my rights as a man as I stand before you today. It is my right to be as happy and as healthy as you, and if this means I must eat of vegetable, then I will eat of vegetable...and if this means I must leave the village...I will leave the village.”

The Elders simply replied, “You will never be truly happy and healthy eating of is not your nature. Nevertheless, do as you will, but if you will, then you must leave the village; we can neither tolerate nor support your disregard of your nature.”

As the boy solemnly walked beyond the boundaries of the village, the Elders wept, “It is unfortunate.”

The Elders continued to weep for years to come...but the boy found great strength and health and happiness beyond the boundaries of the village in his own great garden of vegetables.