Monday, September 22, 2008

Fears Tempering

I spent most of my day yesterday lounging in my bed, watching an America's Next Top Model marathon.

I should have been working on the websites I'm coding, but my sinus pain has been rather dehabilitating ... my laziness isn't the point of this post, though.

In one episode, the challenge was an interview -- where the models were instructed to try to spin difficult questions into a positive tone. This got me thinking: if I one day become well-known in some way and was asked, say by The Advocate, something like, "Is your family supportive of your being gay?" then how would I respond?

(Yeah, I know, I have rather fanciful... and somewhat specifically detailed... fantasies.)

How would I try to sound positive when my family is, perhaps for lack of a better phrase, ashamed of who I am becoming in respect to my homosexuality? How could I sound positive on a subject that is the current greatest source of my anxiety, fear, and grief?

Then I thought, "Well, why did I choose 'coming out' over making my family proud?" Therein I found my answer.

When I came-out, I made a decision to trust the inclinations of my heart -- not just the inclination to love men, but the inclination that falling in love with a man (and acting upon that love) is not abhorrent to God.

Basically, I decided to trust love (how corny, I know), and that's what I need to do with my family. I need to trust in the love they have for me. I need to trust that such their love will see the truth and soften their hearts toward me and my choices.

And I think I'm beginning to trust.


(Speaking of The Advocate, they just interviewed my very first celebrity crush -- I've never really had one up until just a couple weeks ago. I mean, sure, there have been celebrities that I've thought, "Gee, he's good-lookin'" ~cough~James Roday~cough~ but none that I've ever truly thought, "Gee, I would like to date him" ... until now.)

10 comments:

  1. On a comment on my blog, you spoke of the fruits that are borne for identifying good from evil. Your family may never fully accept the choices you make; but, they will respect the good fruits you bear.

    btw, as a parent, there is a big difference between not agreeing with the choices a child makes and being ashamed of them. Perhaps you need to give your family the benefit of doubt.

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  2. I know... I know...

    ... it's just so... tough

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  3. Um....so you'll be watching Survivor religiously this season or...? :-)

    And James....who...?

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  4. Survivor? (If that was your attempt to guess my 'celebrity crush' ... STRIKE ONE.)

    James Roday. Have you ever seen Psych (USA network). If not, you may enjoy it. (James Roday plays the lead character, Sean Spencer.)

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  5. Yeah, Google Image searching helped me out on James. Cute-ish, but yeah, not date-worthy.

    So I've been doing my research here at work, looking for recent interviewees on their site. I found one of my crushes: Milo Ventimiglia. Cute, crooked-mouthed boy from Heroes. Did I get it? Did I get it?

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  6. STRIKE TWO

    (One more strike and you're out... and by 'out' I mean 'outed' -- okay, okay, so I wouldn't do that; I would, however, start giving you clues... sneaky, I know, but that's just the kind of devilish bloke I am.)

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  7. Got it: Jon Hamm.

    But I have to say we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

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  8. OH! So by "just interviewed", you mean like a month ago. Matthew Mitcham. That one makes some sense. OK, no, I give up.

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  9. "just" as in 2008-09-10

    (Hint #1)

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