You Know What... No

I will not go back into the closet, hiding my words, hiding my heart, hiding the pain done to me and those in my shoes by those who believe they are acting out of love... just to make the unknowing abusers comfortable in their coldness.

The discomfort they feel, they project onto me and those like I, proclaiming us evil, sinners, heretics, blasphemers. But the discomfort they feel, it is their consciences telling them that they are not acting out of love but prejudice. Yet they are not willing to look at their 'love' and see it for what it is: frigid & proud... and so, instead, they make us out to be monsters that we simply are not.

It is easier for them to believe they love warmly and we lurch wickedly when, in truth, their hearts desperately need the thaw. It is easier for them to play the victim and we the abusers than to realize their forcibly prescribed holy path for us only draws too many closer to the darkest claws of depression and most unholy desires of death.

So vain are they that they cannot fathom another's happiness not being found on their path. So vain are they that they cannot fathom any goodness being found on anything but their path.

So vain are they that they are blind to the happiness found in so many other paths. So vain are they that they are blind to the goodness being brought to pass by so many other paths.

And they will always be vain when they have the word "God" attached to their actions and their lacking charity.

In God's name they draw blood and sacrifice their innocent friends and family. In God's name they blame the wounded and spit in open sores. In God's name they force silence so that their "God" can have free range to further plant the seeds of their cold love.

And although I may never be able to get them to see their true reflections, I can stand up and do everything within my power to protect those on whom the "loving" chew. Perhaps then, when the cold hearted have no more fodder in their jaws, when they are left only to gnash their teeth, they will see the cruelty in their embrace.

But I cannot do this if I slink away in defeat, going back to my closet in wounded bitterness.

I have to stand up against them. I have to. As far as I am able, I will not allow another to face the darkness that almost swallowed me up.

As far as I am able, I will not allow a young man or young woman (or anyone, for that matter) to come home from church only to lie in bed and draft a suicide note.

As far as I am able, I will not allow a young man or young woman (or anyone, for that matter) to sit in the middle of a family discussion and fear for his/her life.

As far as I am able, I will not allow anyone be intimidated into feeling like they deserve anything but the very best and most beautiful out of life.

Life was not meant to be suffered through. Life's beauties and joys and wonders and even pleasures were meant to be enjoyed... by everyone, not just a select few.

Peace is for now. Happiness is for now. Joy is for now. Goodness is for now.

And they are all for you now.

They're not just trophies you get if you suffer sufficiently.

And I promise I will never stop fighting for these things... not just for me... but all those me's out there and yet to come.

There are people on your side, fighting for you.

There's hope.