Saturday, October 25, 2008

DAMN IT



... Broadway is calling my name... it really is...

To be honest, it has been calling my name ever since I was ten and saw Into the Woods on PBS. But theatre was too gay, so I downplayed my love for it, my passion for it. My parents are wary of the atmosphere in "showbiz" so I downplayed my love for it, my passion for it. I am wary of the atmosphere in "showbiz" so I downlplayed my love for it, my passion for it.

And as much as I hated my last gigue in theatre, I recognize that it was the musical and the role, itself, that I hated. The only reason I got the role I did was because I was the only one who had experience in Tap. Otherwise, it really wasn't the role for me. I'm simply not the Jester-playing type. I much prefer the dramatic roles (or the dryly humorous roles... not the "I'm funny, look at me!" roles... blech!).

However, I owe a great deal to that role. It was my d├ębut truly singing a solo in front of an audience... and I didn't suck! I mean, I wasn't fantastic, but I wasn't terrible; I think I did a pretty good job, and it really boosted my confidence and ability to sing in front of people.

But the "DAMN IT" part comes in as I consider what this call from Broadway means... I mean, I finally have a career in computer science starting, and I do love it. The company I work for is fantastically amazing and has been working so incredibly with me as I'm trying to figure out these headaches.

Do I just ignore the call to act and stay on this road of stability? Stability has been great! Or do I break the stability and take yet another chance in life? (I mean, I'm not going to just up and quit my job, pack, and head to New York (or L.A. ... I may possibly be interested in screen acting)... I'd ease into things; get an agent here while I work where I'm working, see what kind of gigues I could secure and work my way into greater things).

I'm also not thinking, "Gee, I'm going to be the next big star!" I have no aspirations to "make it big" but to go out and act, be on stage [and/or screen], and make at least enough to pay for housing, food, and clothes. Honestly, I do think I have talent and could even make it into a Broadway show... I've been told I have talent and that I could make it into a Broadway show (and not by people I even know... that's a good sign, right?)... but it's still pretty dang iffy...

... what to do...

4 comments:

  1. I hear you.

    I've wanted, needed, to be a writer since I was six years old. Once I joined the church, though, I felt my writings were too inappropriate or otherwise unworthy of a good LDS girl, so I stopped. It didn't help when others would express their feelings that writers were narcissistic (and they are), etc.

    Every time I walked into a bookstore, I'd have to shake off the itch.

    August of last year, though, brought an argument at church and I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I went home and wrote and it felt amazing

    While I can't and won't drop everything I have to become a successful writer, I am doing what I can to ease into the industry. I embraced the narcissist in me ;) I finally feel like something more than a baby machine.

    Don't ignore what you've always wanted. Go for it. You don't have to drop everything to do it, but start doing what you can. Maybe later you'll have to jump into the dark for a spell, but I'd start now. See what you can do.

    You deserve to.

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  2. I agree with Lisa that you should go for it and ease into it instead of just dropping everything. Maybe it'll only turn out to be an evening community theatre hobby. Maybe you'll go on to be a multi-billion-dollar movie star. Either way, if it makes you happy to act, that's a great place to be. Don't deny yourself.

    I'm a writer, and I've had to learn to balance my writing with my having-three-small-children (I'm a stay at home mom). I would never give up writing, but at times in my life, I've had to concentrate on it less. That was difficult, but I'm responsible for others and had to take that into consideration.

    (and as a sidenote for Lisa, I don't necessarily believe writing has to reflect on your own views. Many LDS members write for the national market. And I, for some bizarre reason, am currently writing an LDS novel. I don't know if anyone would publish it, because I'm inactive, and I don't believe in the things my characters believe in, but I don't think *my* opinion matters. I tell the story as my characters want it to be told. And if they're LDS and this is their story, that's what'll come out, regardless of the consequences. I can agree to disagree with my characters. Some people find that odd - one person accused me of trying to make money on the LDS faith, which is really bizarre because authors in the LDS genre rarely make any money - but that won't stop me from doing exactly what I love: writing. Whoops - that aside ended up being quite long, sorry!!)

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  3. On the other hand, if you're planning on having a family sometime, but are currently unencumbered, there may be something to be said for jumping into your dream with both feet?

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  4. Thanks for all the encouragement; I think I will start heading toward augmenting my passions and talents...

    ... and, Scott... I think you have a pretty good point, actually. I hadn't considered that.

    I think that the feet-first idea is good, though... I do tend to impulsively swan dive into things.

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