Sins of the Father

Big Love. Season 4. Episode 5.

I was surprised at how much this episode affected me.

All those feelings of being exiled from life, not knowing where to go, having to start over without any guidance came rushing back to me.

And although I now have stability finally, I thought of those still in the torrent of uncertainty... everything they've been taught, everything they've been preparing for, falling to pieces.

Even those who decide to pursue heterosexual marriage can't take the path they've been planning ever since they were two.

I see the stupid mistakes made in this state of exile, scrounging for sustenance, only to have those who have caused the exile even further shun because of said mistakes.

But the mistakes are on the shoulders of the exilers, those that turn their backs on the daunting situation before their gay children and siblings and friends and neighbors.

Those who have only words of pity or condemnation. Those who ask, "Why can't you just be normal? What's your problem? Why are you making it worse than it has to be?!"

Those who point the finger and say, "Vile."

As the episode closed, the emotions that came up were raw and frothy and shaking and knee bending.

I begged, "... let this stop..."

And as I purged my emotions, I wondered, "Do 'they' not feel this pain?"

It is, after all, more equally theirs.