I've had two [main] blogs before this one. The first was a blog titled something like LDS Eunuch. I started out as a hopeful celibate gay Mormon. Things, I thought were going fantastically... but the life that I had envisioned, the life that the Mormon leaders promised just wasn't the life that I was seeing.
Trying to understand how I could find a happy life as a gay Mormon (which direction I could go if not the one I was sincerely taking, the path dictated by the leader), I tore down LDS Eunuch and started to write under the blog, Chedner 101. Things progressed to the angry and bitter phase. By the end of Chedner 101, I was feeling quite finished with the church.
Not only did I feel like there was no room in the church for gays of any kind (except those who were hoping to become straight), I felt like nobody really wanted there to be room. I gave up, walked away, and started from scratch... which is where greenly chalked began.
I don't know if I've really had a purpose or theme to this blog. I've mostly just thrown my random thoughts out there. Perhaps I could say that it reflects my search for a purpose in my life; however, the latter search has been much less haphazard.
I have been extremely mindful of the choices I make. Each step is carefully analyzed to make sure they are not detrimental but are beneficial not just to me but to those with whom I share this life.
While I'm definitely still a "work in progress" (who isn't?), I can honestly say that I am pleased with who I am and with who I am becoming.
And my life, my purpose, is finally becoming what I had always envisioned (if not slightly 'physically' different--but the 'spirit' of my hopes and dreams are finally coming to fruition).
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