Friday, November 21, 2008

Any Dream Will Do

I had two interesting dreams last night.

In the first dream, I was coming home from buying groceries for Thanksgiving dinner. When I got home, I found the main entrances to my house blocked (I don't remember exactly how), so I had to take a rather long and somewhat tricky detour (I remember most specifically a rather daunting staircase) to get into my house from a small door on the roof.

When I got to this door, someone (who was understood to be LDS and a close relative, though ambiguous as to any specific person or gender even) lurched out from the shadows -- it was nighttime.

Immediately, there was a sense of danger. This person was hungry and ready to attack to take the groceries I'd just bought.

My "fight or flight" instincts kicked in and I started to deliberate which I should do: run into my house, lock the door, and hide in my shelter or put the groceries down and fight until this person fled.

But then I looked into this person's eyes more closely -- and more than anything I saw fear, a fear of hunger, a fear of starvation... and I knew I simply needed to find a way to make it understood that the groceries were sharable, that we both could sit at the Thanksgiving table. Nobody had to run away. Nobody had to fight. Nobody had to go hungry on Thanksgiving if we just sat together and broke bread together.

My second dream began with me rough-housing with one of my nephews. I ended up startling him -- this particular nephew is more mellow than most of my other nephews. My sister-in-law quickly rushed to pick up her son.

I tried to apologize, but my sister-in-law scowled at me and told me to keep my distance. I don't remember the specifics, but it was implied that she felt it necessary to protect her family from me -- because of me being gay.

I exploded and started yelling at not just her but her husband, my brother, and some of my other siblings and their families who were in the room.

Again, I don't remember most of the specifics, but I do remember yelling, "The MOST offensive thing is that you feel you have to PROTECT your children from ME! How am I a threat? Why won't you look at me? Look at ME !"

This second dream was the dream I woke up to. It was quite intense -- much more intense than I could ever describe. I don't think I realized, until this morning, how angry I feel towards some of my siblings.


  1. Wow, those are pretty amazing. And powerful.

  2. I'm still a little shaken up by the second one, to be honest.

  3. Wow. I've had intense dreams before. I once dreamed I threw a party with a great feat, and I was playing the good host, and we needed more of something, so I ran out to get it, and when I returned, the feast was gone and all my "friends" had left without saying goodbye.

    It hurt like hell to feel betrayed like that.