Funeral

The thoughts pervading of the dying youth
And things of which they speak of light, of truth
Will form the shell of this, the inner man

I wrote the above after reading something written by Hugh Nibley. If I remember correctly, he mentioned how we go through several deaths throughout our lives, for example, the death of our youth as we grow into adulthood.

I'm experiencing a death in my life. I feel ... molted and my tissue sensitively new. Although there's a sense of newly found strength, there's still that feeling of mourning that tends to linger after a loss, even if it be old skin.

Once again, I'm looking at my newer self and realizing I have a lot more dying to do before I become the man chrysalised [sic] the most deeply within. Sometimes I can feel disheartened, frustrated that I can't fly yet.

I feel like I'm standing alone in the universe... but it's not a "lonely" aloneness. It's a "nobody can help you figure this out" aloneness.

The only thing is, I don't know what I'm supposed to figure out. There is a sense, perhaps, that there's something about me that I just don't know yet. Something significant to me.

I've felt this periodically throughout my life, and it's just now that I've realized it's always been during these times of death. And with this each time comes an overwhelming need to create. Perhaps, though, such is specifically the point. I'm newly born, so to speak, what else is there to do with a new life... but create.