Well, I've been enjoying the show more lately -- that's not to say I'm ready to be finished with it right now; the almost $100/week is really affecting my food supply.
But that's not really the reason I'm blogging right now. I've been feeling rather... well, melancholy, lately I guess. Or maybe I'm just frustrated. No, actually... I think I'm afraid. I don't know what's going to happen with my family once I start dating. I don't know how they're really going to act.
Perhaps I shouldn't worry; perhaps I should just let things happen as they happen and deal with everything on a present-tense basis. Nevertheless, there's still the possibility that most/some of my family will cut me out of their lives, and that saddens me.
And it frustrates me that part (if not most) of the reason this possibility exists is because of the LDS church and her leaders. What frustrates me the most is not the current beliefs but the fact that the beliefs don't come with, "Don't just take our word; go to God and pray about it."
Where has this counsel gone? Why is it no longer stressed that we must go to God for a personal testimony on each and every thing? After all, when missionaries go out to teach the Gospel, they don't say, "President Monson is the prophet of God; he says the Book of Mormon is true and the word of God; therefore, be baptized." Rather, investigators are given the Book of Mormon and are told, "Read and pray."
Where is the message, "hear and pray" gone? I am [no longer] one to say, "This is the right way, just listen to me." Rather, I desire to only say, "These are my beliefs, but go to God and pray about them to receive a testimony for yourself."
I asked my family to do this, but I was met with a resounding, "We don't have to pray, we already know; the prophets have spoken, and we know marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God."
This is another thing that is rather confusing to me, the "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God; therefore, marriage between two men or two woman is not" mindset. After all, Elders are ordained of God -- but so are High Priests. That is to say, just because an Elder is ordained of God doesn't nullify the ordination of High Priests... right?
Anyway, in whole, I'm learning all I can give are my opinions and beliefs... the rest is up to each individual. And when it comes to me as an individual, all I can do is my best, offer up the best life I can muster and cultivate for God.