Well, I've been enjoying the show more lately -- that's not to say I'm ready to be finished with it right now; the almost $100/week is really affecting my food supply.
But that's not really the reason I'm blogging right now. I've been feeling rather... well, melancholy, lately I guess. Or maybe I'm just frustrated. No, actually... I think I'm afraid. I don't know what's going to happen with my family once I start dating. I don't know how they're really going to act.
Perhaps I shouldn't worry; perhaps I should just let things happen as they happen and deal with everything on a present-tense basis. Nevertheless, there's still the possibility that most/some of my family will cut me out of their lives, and that saddens me.
And it frustrates me that part (if not most) of the reason this possibility exists is because of the LDS church and her leaders. What frustrates me the most is not the current beliefs but the fact that the beliefs don't come with, "Don't just take our word; go to God and pray about it."
Where has this counsel gone? Why is it no longer stressed that we must go to God for a personal testimony on each and every thing? After all, when missionaries go out to teach the Gospel, they don't say, "President Monson is the prophet of God; he says the Book of Mormon is true and the word of God; therefore, be baptized." Rather, investigators are given the Book of Mormon and are told, "Read and pray."
Where is the message, "hear and pray" gone? I am [no longer] one to say, "This is the right way, just listen to me." Rather, I desire to only say, "These are my beliefs, but go to God and pray about them to receive a testimony for yourself."
I asked my family to do this, but I was met with a resounding, "We don't have to pray, we already know; the prophets have spoken, and we know marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God."
This is another thing that is rather confusing to me, the "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God; therefore, marriage between two men or two woman is not" mindset. After all, Elders are ordained of God -- but so are High Priests. That is to say, just because an Elder is ordained of God doesn't nullify the ordination of High Priests... right?
Anyway, in whole, I'm learning all I can give are my opinions and beliefs... the rest is up to each individual. And when it comes to me as an individual, all I can do is my best, offer up the best life I can muster and cultivate for God.
I pray that your family can find it in their hearts to accept you - and a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteBut, to be fair, it seems to me that your problem is with LDS culture rather than the LDS church. The LDS church teaches "Some people with same-gender attraction have felt rejected because members of the Church did not always show love. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant." - unfortunately, it seems many members of the church ignore that counsel, as well as the 11th article of faith :(
I pray that your family can find it in their hearts to accept you - and a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteThanks, A.E., me too...
But, to be fair, it seems to me that your problem is with LDS culture rather than the LDS church.
I do tend to equate the culture with the church itself. After all, isn't that what a church is, a culture of believers?
But replace 'church' with 'Gospel' and you're spot on.
"I do tend to equate the culture with the church itself. After all, isn't that what a church is, a culture of believers?"
ReplyDeleteThis statement resonates as truth to me. I am glad to see your views expressed here. I believe that what the christian faith is doing on the issue of gay marriage is nothing short of abusive. What the "faithful" seem to be missing is the ego ensconced incredible need to exercise power and control through the so called body of christ over people who could care less about that particular belief system.
I believe that what the christian faith is doing on the issue of gay marriage is nothing short of abusive.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately so.
I can't imagine that your family would ever reject you. I don't know you, and I have only read a few pages of your blog....but you sounds like you have a close, (albeit currently strained) relationship with your family and the lds faith. Filial love has a die-hard stubborn quality to it.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking, if I were in your family's shoes, these would be my suggestions (take whatever I write with a grain of salt, because, let's be honest...I'm a stranger!:)
They still love you, I'm sure, but I can imagine that they may feel uncomfortable for a couple of reasons...
1) they may not know any persons who are gay besides you and not understand it or feel that things are suddenly different
2) they may be worried that no matter how they treat you, it will be the wrong way
3) they may be worried how to love you and still teach their children that they believe your actions are wrong
you may have to be honest with them about what you would like their reaction to be...and let them tell you how they feel as well.
On another note-
I know you are frustrated because you feel that your family are not praying about the truth of SSM and relying solely on the words of leaders.
I think, for many, it's hard to reject not only the words of current leaders, but the words of the Old Testament and New Testament. Homosexual acts are condemned in those scriptures as strongly as they are in current church addresses. They are reading and praying and their faith in the gospel doesn't allow them to think otherwise, no matter how much they love you.
God loves you and hopefully, with your faith and love in Him, He can help you sort it all out. Don't lose faith and keep trying to work it out. Good luck.