Saturday, October 13, 2012

la vie growed up (cont'd)

I linked to my 'pupa' stage in my first post on this blog.  It chronicles, to a degree, my struggle with being a gay Mormon and my emergence into a life outside of Mormon doctrines.

My personal struggle is now over.  I have defined my internal self and values and have modeled my external life accordingly. And, accordingly, my life has never been as stable, productive, healthy, and happy as it is now with my partner of 2 years.

The struggle with some of my family, though, remains as they (not all)... I suppose 'grieve'  would be an appropriate word, believing that I have traded my eternal inheritance for temporal sustenance.

And, in a way, I did.  I no longer claim an inheritance through obedience to any religious rote.

I claim love and patience and deep, sincere understanding of an individual's circumstances and needs; proactively obeying and making sacrifices for these principles to bring true joy -- that feeling which permeates and edifies the whole, letting you know that life is good (and so are you) -- to the lives of those around me.

Unfortunately, I can see a lot of cognitive dissonance in the eyes of some of my family as I embrace and flourish within my new stage.

On one hand, they can see the good life that I'm living. On the other hand, according to their beliefs my life is insufficient to merit an exalted life with them.

On one hand, they would prefer I lived a life similar to Greg's. On the other hand, they can't deny the significantly beneficial impact my partner, Corey, has had on my life and well-being.

I wish I could do something to ease the discord.  Unfortunately it's their personal struggle with God.

All I can do is live a life where I show my love and patience and understanding while living my best life, making adjustments to my beliefs when any inspire actions which are empirically detrimental to my life or the lives of others -- and making reparations when I act outside of my values.

And that life, really, is what I call: la vie growed up.

3 comments:

  1. I am so happy to hear your voice again, so to speak. You sound so secure, healthy and happy. It warms my heart in these cold days. Keep the posts coming friend.

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  2. ControllerOne: Thanks!

    Nic: The love is mutual.

    ReplyDelete